Warrin' Priests: Part One/Quotes
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"Warrin' Priests: Part One"
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- Old Jewish man: What time does Joan Rivers come on?
- Agnes Skinner: She doesn't. This is a church, and it's not your church.
- Old Jewish man: New Testament? Oy-yoi-yoi, when did this happen?
- Reverend Lovejoy: Peace be with you.
- Congregation: And also with you.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, you can do better than that.
- Congregation: We can, but we don't want to.
- Reverend Lovejoy: I can't hear you.
- Congregation: You clearly can.
- Homer: You're going the wrong way!
- Bode Wright: No, I-I want to go this way. I love God.
- Homer: If you love him so much, why don't you marry him?
- Krusty the Clown: Uh, I'm here for the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. It's usually me, Lenny, Carl, Bumblebee Man, Kent Brockman. But don't tell anyone.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Downstairs to the right.
- Krusty: Also, Lunchlady Dora, King Toot, and a man I'll identify as Disco S.
- Disco Stu: Disco S is quite a mess.
- Reverend Lovejoy: "B" 15. "B" as in Balthazar.
- Grampa: Did he say Galthazar?
- Agnes: Gingo!
- Gingo: Gingo take you to bathroom.
- Agnes: I don't want to go.
- Gingo: Hey, this no picnic for Gingo either.
- Moe Szyslak: For the first time ever, I don't feel alone. Life is worth living. [to Louie] Hey, forget that hit I called on myself, huh?
- Louie: Yeah, well, I said too late.
- Moe: Can't you just charge me a stalking fee?
- Louie: Okay, 40%. And you can only cancel on the app.
- Ned Flanders: Three cheers for Reverend Lovejoy.
- Homer: Stupid Flanders.
- Congregation: [chanting] Stupid Flanders! Stupid Flanders!
- Homer: I love church.
- Bode Wright: There's a Chinese proverb about Heaven and Hell. They say Hell is a long table like this, full of food, but everybody's starving because they have these long chopsticks, like pool cues, and they can't bring the food to their mouths.
- Homer: This is the worst Year of the Ox ever.
- Bode Wright: But in the proverb, Heaven is exactly the same table, same food, same long chopsticks, but everybody's happy and fat because they're feeding each other.
- Helen Lovejoy: Did you know Bode has 22,000 YouTube subscribers? Our church could go viral.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Ugh. Close window.
- Helen: You just subscribed.
- Reverend Lovejoy: What? No.
- Helen: [chuckles] Now you gave him a thumbs-up.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Stop telling me what I just did.
- Helen: You just gave him an eggplant emoji.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Well, at least that can't be misconstrued.
- Homer: But Marge always told me communication is bad for a marriage.
- Marge: I said it was good.
- Homer: You said what was good?
