Difference between revisions of "Uncut Femmes/Quotes"

Revision as of 07:49, March 30, 2021

Carl Carlson: Oh, my hallway-walking God! I've seen my fair share of workplace atrocities, but this one's gonna be hard not to whistle-blow.

Waylon Smithers, Jr.: Uh, Carlson, how about you forget any unkillable irradiated airborne entities you think you saw and sign this nondisclosure agreement?

Carl: I'm sorry, I have no choice but to speak up and say... what's in it for me?

Marge: We're all gonna make snarky comments about celebrities' outrageous outfits. I'm working up the courage to use the B-word on a man.

Captain Bowditch: Ready about, sailors! Name's Captain Bowditch. For the next 36 hours, you will be my crew aboard the USS ship with a name we're not allowed to say anymore and with good reason. Now, the year is 1943. We sailors have fought many battles in the Pacific theater, but today we face our most vicious enemy yet: oxidation.

Marge: Hey, Sarah, we've met before. I'm Bart's mom, Marge.

Sarah Wiggum: Hi.

Marge: So, overnight field trips... The things we do for our kids.

Sarah: Kids.

Marge: So... have you ever been on a battleship before?

Sarah: Probably.

Homer: We're so close, we can read the labels on the drummer's medications. Hey, I have that, too. Mild depression rules!

Marge: And number ten would be... oh, "telling a funny story." What are your top ten ways of starting a conversation?

Sarah: Talking.

Sarah: Why did you bring her into it? She's just some vanilla soccer mom. She doesn't know anything.

Bette: Hey, once I start bagging heads, I can't stop.

Chief Wiggum: Hi, Mr. Seger. Boy, you probably don't remember this, but I saw you at an airport once, and I was too nervous to say anything, and then it wasn't you.

Bob Seger: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You broke a promise to your wives? A good husband's supposed to be "Like a Rock". Because we're all running "Against the Wind". Terrible "Night Moves". Look at this. Those aren't tour dates. They're all the times I've kept commitments to my wife. "Rock and Roll Never Forgets" the needs of his coequal life companion. You sicken me.

Homer: Were... were we just Seger-shamed?

Chief Wiggum: Why, the real silver bullet is truth.

Sarah: We weren't crooks. We were thieves. Sexy, girlie thieves. They never saw us coming, but they loved to watch us walk away. There's nothing we wouldn't lift. Wallets. Watches. MP3 players that held over a hundred songs. Man, it was a blast. Our biggest jobs were brought to us by a gal named Red. She got a line on some unsupervised diamonds in a penthouse safe. I was the driver, and as always... the honeypot.

Bette: We've got a plan to steal that diamond back from her, and you're gonna help us.

Sarah: No, I left that life behind me. I have a husband now, and a son who's smart in a way we haven't figured out yet.

Ralph Wiggum: The mommies got new face hats, then got into a slidey-door car.

Chief Wiggum: Don't worry, I speak Ralph. Face hats? Slidey-door? God, they were kidnapped!

Erin: This vanilla soccer mom could be our secret weapon.

Marge: Me? Join the robbery? Stealing is one of the big "thou shalt nots."

Julio: Oh, God, would you look at that dress. Who is the designer, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch? Probably?

Marge: Oh, my God! Rihanna! I listen to the clean versions of all your songs!

Chief Wiggum: Ugh, no sign of our wives.

Homer: We checked out all their favorite places, but turns out we don't pay enough attention to know what those are. So I don't know what we did.

Fat Tony: It was my distinct pleasure to watch your son. I find we are quite simpatico. Both of us know nothin' about nothin'.

Julio: Chalamet looks like dirt. BTS looks like seven dirts. I see nerve there but nothing audacious. Oh. My. God.

Patty Bouvier: Jeebus Crackers! That's Marge!

Grizzly Shawn: What the hell is she doing at the Gen Gala?

Julio: Exactly. She looks like dirt. [pauses] It's what she would have wanted.

Fat Tony: I must confess, I thought putting crushed-up Oreos into the cookies and cream yogurt would be redundant. Instead, it is transcendent.

Ralph: I like to smoosh the gummy bears.

Squeaky-voiced teen: Hey, no touching!

Fat Tony: If the boy wants to smoosh, the boy will smoosh.

Ralph: I love you, scary daddy.

Fat Tony: I love you too, Ralphie "Stickie Hands".