Yokel Hero/Quotes
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- Lenny Leonard: Sometimes there's advantages to living and dying alone. I could drive off a cliff, free as a bird.
- Moe Szyslak: Homer, Homer, let-let me call you an Uber.
- [Barney pulls up in a car]
- Barney Gumble: Are you, uh... Homer?
- Moe: Geez, you're better off walking.
- [Barney gets into the back seat of the car]
- Barney: Take me to Moe's. Hey. We're here. You're good. Five stars.
- Homer: We have other cops in this town?
- Homer: Marge, um, you see, there's a little hitch. I'm in jail...
- Marge: I knew it. I knew you'd screw up.
- Homer: I wasn't driving. I was walking. I wasn't a danger, just a disgrace.
- Chief Wiggum: Hey, this moonshine made me go blind! Oh, wait, my hat's just over my eyes. Oh, wait. I am blind.
- Homer: I got to be a better man. For Marge and the kids and Grampa and the dog.
- Cletus Spuckler: Don't you have a cat?
- Homer: Screw the cat.
- Homer: Now, I've got a confession to make. Your father spent last night in the drunk tank.
- Bart: Pay up, Lis.
- Lisa: Oh, why do I keep betting on "working late to pay for my college"?
- [the closing credits start]
- Cletus: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We ain't done. We got two more acts. And a "whittled by" credit.
- Homer: Cletus, you changed my life. How would you like for me to change yours?
- Cletus: You ain't pitchin' me on a pyramid scheme, is you? 'Cause if so, I'm in.
- Bart: My pappy's gon' manage you. Whoa diggity!
- Lisa: Your future's brighter than a polecat in a henhouse.
- Cletus: Hey, if you're gonna speak hillbilly, practice your enuncification. Use your adverbs proper-like, dad gummitly.
- Bart: Yes'm.
- Lisa: We's powerful sorry.
- Cletus: Show business has screwed up a lot of country folk, from Elvis to Britney. And Mister Ed. Did you know that he was a heroin addict?
- Homer: A horse on horse?
- Cletus: Of course, of course.
- Cletus: A-one and a-two, and a-one and a-two and a...
- [the guitarist whispers to Cletus]
- Cletus: Three? When did that happen?
- Elin Degenerous: You know, Cletus, I've heard your fans will do anything you say.
- Cletus: Oh, that can't be true.
- Elin: Try it.
- Cletus: Nah, go on.
- Elin: It's my show. Do as I say.
- Cletus: Homer, stand up. I want you to know that I'm firing you and I'm replacing you with a professional.
- Homer: Aw, nothing ever good happens when you talk to the person sitting next to you on an airplane.
- Cletus: My friend, what happens in jail stays in jail. Unless it's breaking out of jail.
- Slick manager: We're gonna make you bigger than Campbell's Soup. Not tomato or chicken noodle. That would be impossible. But there's one of them where they put in potatoes. We'll make you bigger than that.
- Slick manager: And now your picture goes up on our wall of fame. Bert and Ernie? I don't even think they're living. Hey, IMDb Bert and Ernie, will you? Do puppets die? Hey, why does the Pope have no merchandise? Can't we come up with a little doohickey you put on your desk that blows a colored smoke when you're picked for something?
- Marge: How do you know so much about movies?
- Cletus: Oh, well, Brandine and I once squatted inside an abandoned Blockbuster. That's where we conceived our twins: Be Kind and Rewind.
- Homer: Forget that. You got to go back home where you belong. Also, you owe me $27,000.
- Cletus: Yeah, I'm afraid I donated that to a children's hospital.
- Homer: You monster!
