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The Road to Cincinnati/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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692
"The Road to Cincinnati"
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- Superintendent Chalmers: Principal Duggins. Well, I see that not one of your students was able to meet the national fitness standards: a light jog.
- Principal Skinner: Oh, I-I've also got a funny thing. [chuckles] Duggins' wife was unfaithful. [chuckles]
- Chalmers: Skinner, learn how to read a room.
- Skinner: Sorry, Duggins.
- Principal Duggins: Screw you.
- Bart: Look, Seymour, are you ready for some tough love?
- Skinner: Is there any other kind?
- Bart: Being around you sucks. No one's ever gonna invite you to anything. If there's a party you want to go to, you got to crash it, or you'll spend the rest of your life sitting around with your hand stuck in a pelvis.
- Skinner: It's too late. The plus-one has been invoked.
- Bart: Dude, you're Seymour Skinner. No matter how badly you're treated, you keep coming back for more. That's your superpower. Use it!
- Chalmers: Finch, where are you? We're going to miss our flight.
- Principal Finch: Can't make it, Gary. I ate some pre-trip poké last night, and it's blitzkrieging my intestines. I'm firing salmon eggs from both ends.
- Chalmers: Well, we've got to get another flight.
- Skinner: Uh, we can't, sir. Uh, Air Cincinnati's the only airline that flies to Cincinnati since the demise of Cincin-Air-Y.
- Agnes Skinner: Oh, no. You're not borrowing my Buick. I just had it winterized.
- Skinner: But, Mother, this road trip is my last chance to become friends with the man I admire most in the world. Please.
- Agnes: Well, you did do such a nice job re-beading my eyeglass chain. I guess a boy your age should have friends.
- Skinner: Oh, did you know that in Cincinnati, they have four different ways of preparing chili?
- Chalmers: [disinterested] You don't say, huh? Four different ways.
- Skinner: The two-way, chili with spaghetti.
- Chalmers: [disinterested] How about that. Spaghetti?
- Skinner: The three-way, chili with spaghetti and cheese.
- Chalmers: [disinterested] Lot of ways. Please shut up.
- Skinner: Oh! [chuckles]
- Chalmers: [disinterested] Oh, he's got more.
- Skinner: And there's two kinds of four-ways.
- Chalmers: I just... I-I want to die.
- Chalmers: Hitchhikers! Oh, thank the Lord.
- Skinner: Hitchhikers, sir? Is this safe?
- Chalmers: They can bury us in a shallow grave as long as they don't talk about chili.
- J.T. Winchester: Who dragged me in here on a Saturday in the middle of my Lifetime movies? I'm missing my Lifetimes!
- Skinner: An old woman who's enraged by my very existence. Don't worry, sir. I got this.
- Fennimore: Mother, you never let me drive the Cutlass.
- J.T. Winchester: My car is for good boys!
- Skinner: Ernest, I've never felt more independent and strong. Can I use your phone to call Mother?
- Skinner: Fire me?! You bald-pated son of a bitch.
- Trudy: Uh, i-if you two gentlemen could please...
- Skinner: Stay out of this, Trudy! For years, this man belittled me. Humiliated me. And in exchange for my unwavering loyalty, what was my reward? Whoa, to be pushed out by some scheming magnet school... keister kisser!
- Chalmers: You know why I was gonna fire you, Seymour? Because your neediness, it sucks the life out of me! After all these years of trying to spare your feelings, I'm just gonna say it now: I... don't... like you!
- Chalmers: Well, it's an honor, uh, to be here in, uh, uh, Cleveland.
- Man 1: It's Cincinnati!
- Man 2: Look at the skyline!
- Chalmers: You just... You won't believe what's happened. I'm... [stammers] Well, maybe you will! You've all got that one principal, that one that gets you into such ridiculous situations, uh, uh, maybe even on the way here.
- Superintendents: Mm. Yes. Quite.
- Chalmers: This guy, Skinner, h-he screws everything up. He took my jacket and my speech! He left me with the useless garbage in his pockets. A mommy manicure kit. A-a VFW event calendar. A, uh, B&B rewards card. [chuckles] Calico Level. [mutters] And conversation starters like... [sighs] "How can I make your job easier?"
- Man 1: He sounds like a good guy, you jackass!
- Chalmers: Well, I... I suppose he is. He's loyal and resourceful and... Oh, God, help me. I respect Seymour Skinner. [chuckles] In fact, I like him.
- Marge: So, guys, what have you been up to?
- Bart: Oh, went on a field trip to the fire station, but nobody told the firemen we were coming.
- Lisa: Practiced my sax, went to school. Oh, we learned about Peru.
- Marge: Oh.
- Homer: I went to work. Lenny had a cold, so he wasn't there. Carl was there though.
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