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Panic on the Streets of Springfield/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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"Panic on the Streets of Springfield"
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- Dr. Hibbert: Homer, the results of your physical are very concerning. You're 80 pounds overweight.
- Homer: I wore my socks on the scale.
- Dr. Hibbert: And your cholesterol is sky-high.
- Homer: Go big or go home.
- Dr. Hibbert: Oh, and your testosterone is just a little bit low.
- Homer: [gasps] Testosterone? That's what fuels my punching and yelling. And my undeserved confidence. Now I'll never be an NFL quarterback/international superspy.
- Bart: Look at me. I'm a payload.
- Lisa: Quilloughby's music is so smart and dour and jangly and no one has seen him in 30 years, he's a famous recluse. And his commitment to animal rights is so inspiring. [gasps] I just had the most amazing idea.
- Ralph Wiggum: Lisa doesn't like it when other people talk.
- Nelson Muntz: Mushrooms? Those are chairs for toads.
- Lisa: You said these were vegan.
- Lunchlady Dora: But they are. Vegetables plus bacon. "Vegon." Am I wrong?
- Nelson: Haw-haw! This taco had a mom.
- Lisa: Okay, it was probably just a bacon hallucination. Quilloughby isn't actually in my room. I'm traumatized by eating meat.
- Quilloughby: You must stop talking to yourself. People will think you've gone mad.
- Lisa: Bart, slowly, almost imperceptibly, your friends are growing tired of you.
- Bart: What... what? I'm the drumstick of this chicken bucket. [laughs] They're not getting tired of me.
- Milhouse Van Houten: Of course we're not, Bart. [looks at Nelson]
- Bart: Wait, what was that look?
- Nelson: What look? [looks at Milhouse]
- Bart: You guys are not getting tired of me.
- Nelson: [yawns] No, no, I was just yawning because I stayed up late, thinking about your pranks.
- Milhouse: Still so fresh.
- Lisa: You think I'm cool enough to wear a faded Army jacket.
- Quilloughby: Hmm. Keep in mind, I'm merely a product of your fractured psyche.
- Lisa: Oh, shut up, don't ruin it.
- Lisa: For an imaginary friend, you were really keen to get out of the house.
- Quilloughby: Ugh, that small woman was such a bore.
- Lisa: Oh. Maggie's a baby, and she was sleeping.
- Quilloughby: Even she knows it.
- Lisa: I was just thinking, every day you wave that wand, and yet nothing magical ever happens.
- [the class laughs]
- Mr. Largo: You're a smart-mouthed little sass pants.
- Lisa: And you're a sad little man whose best days never happened.
- [the class gasps]
- Mr. Largo: I'm not sad, I'm happy. And 5'8" is a very nice height for a fella. Very nice. [runs off crying]
- Marge: What has gotten into you? You used to be such a happy little girl.
- Lisa: When?
- Marge: Okay, but never like this...
- Homer: But the truck is who I am. It's a perfect fit for my manly, off-road lifestyle.
- Marge: Oh, really? You hate the outdoors. You've never been camping. You've never hauled or towed anything, or shown any interest in hauling or towing. And please, tell me the meaning of the word "torque."
- Homer: The smoke hole where the truck's farts come out?
- Lisa: I'm going to my first music festival with my best friend!
- Quilloughby: Uh, best imaginary friend.
- Lisa: Right. I guess I didn't need to buy two VIP passes, then. Sorry, Dad!
- Quilloughby: Ugh, this combines my two least favorite things... Other people's music, and other people.
- Lisa: Hey, I'm just trying to have a fun day.
- Quilloughby: Oh, a "fun day." Why don't we all just have fizzy drinks and rainbow lollipops? Oh, la-di-da-di-da. Happy, happy, happy.
- Real Quilloughby: Shut your gobs, you wankers!
- Audience member: Woo-hoo! Wankers!
- Real Quilloughby: Can't you see this show is just a cash grab? I'm only here because I lost my fortune suing people for saying things about me that were completely true.
- Audience member: But you're vegan!
- Real Quilloughby: I was, until I found out veganism was invented by foreigners, of whom there are far too many on this planet! That's right, I hate the foreign! Coming to this country and taking our jobs! Sleeping with our men!
- Imaginary Quilloughby: Lisa, dear, don't let him happen to you. Try not to sneer at everything. And listen to others, at least a bit. Perhaps one out of five times, but I can't tell you which times.
- Lisa: Thanks, Quilloughby. You're the best imaginary friend a complicated eight-year-old could ever ask for. But I think we both know it's time for you to go. I'm going to miss you, you bloody wanker.
- Marge: Homer. Homer. Homer, wake up.
- Lisa: He fell asleep while driving?
- Bart: No, we got stuck in traffic and ran out of gas, so Dad ate a garbage bag full of Mom's PB&Js and passed out.
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