Burger Kings/Quotes
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- Waylon Smithers: Sir, your personal chef is here with your breakfast.
- Chef: Voilà. One raisin, wrinkles ironed and smoothed, with one molecule of sugar.
- Mr. Burns: [eats half the raisin] Too sharp. It could cut me to ribbons.
- Mr. Burns: What is that delicious smell?
- Homer: Um, uh, this is my lunch. My wife just gave me a salad, but she said I could choose my own dressing, so I picked this hamburger.
- Mr. Burns: I must have more of these, uh... What do you call them?
- Homer: Hamburgers.
- Mr. Burns: You're eating people from Hamburg?
- Homer: I don't know. Maybe.
- Nurse: No, sir. Eating meat could kill you.
- Mr. Burns: Eh, no one lives forever. Except Dick Cheney. What's his deal?
- Mr. Burns: People don't like me. hey really don't. Why?
- Smithers: You've released the hounds on nearly everyone in town, sir.
- Mr. Burns: Everyone loves dogs, Smithers. It must be something else.
- Kent Brockman: I... I'm just getting word Springfield Dam has ruptured and water is roaring down. We'll let the, uh, sad news cover that.
- Mr. Burns: Praise, praise... Something I've craved since I was a little boy.
- [flashback]
- Young Burns: I drew this picture of you hugging me, Mummy.
- Daphne Burns: I don't like art that lies. Oh, and by the way, your father's dead.
- Blue-haired lawyer: Before we film, we need you to sign this contract stating that what you publicly say about our product is limited to certain catchphrases.
- Smithers: Approved phrases limited to... "yes ve-gan," "I guaran-tree it," "abso-lettuce," and the "meat beater."
- Marge: With all these commercials, I'm afraid your father's going to need bigger pants. Alexa, do you have any X-X-X-X-X-X-X-XL in stock?
- Krusty the Clown: Mel, you're three of those letters. Where did I go wrong?
- Sideshow Mel: Your product is inferior. Your marketing is offensive. And you have more ex-wives than franchise locations.
- Krusty: What happened to kiss-ass Mel who was afraid of my shadow?
- Sideshow Mel: I joined an empowerment group with the monkey and the cue card guy.
- Beloved Billionaires Club manager: All the other beloved billionaires are here. There's Warren Buffett, there's Bill Gates, and that's it.
- Milhouse Van Houten: This is kind of scary, like putting on a wet bathing suit.
- Homer: Lisa, I'm sorry to put it on you, but every generation has its to-do list. Yours is putting Miami on stilts, inventing new bees, and learning to peacefully live with fire tornadoes.
- Mr. Burns: What's going on? Why is everyone baring their teeth at me?
- Smithers: They're smiling, sir.
- Kent Brockman: A supersize admission in the burger wars. Have we been fed an order of lies, or worse... Curly lies? Good God, I'm hungry.
- Krusty: I did it again. I won by doing nothing.
- Bart: That's my hero.
- Krusty: Always will be.
- Smithers: Sir. You're happy.
- Mr. Burns: Yes. Because I'm no longer crushed by morality. I gave it a nice go... Almost a full month... But in the end, evil always wins.
