A Springfield Summer Christmas for Christmas/Quotes
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"A Springfield Summer Christmas for Christmas"
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- Surgeon fiancé: So where are they sending you?
- Mary Tannenbaum: The last small town that can pass for Canada passing for America that didn't already have another one of our Christmas movies shooting in it.
- Lisa: Ms. Tannenbaum? Do you mind if I shoot a behind-the-scenes documentary about the movie to earn my Little Filmmaker merit badge?
- Mary: I-I don't really know how to talk to kids.
- Lisa: Neither do I!
- Lunchlady Dora: What can I get you, hon?
- Mary: I'll have an extra-tall, nonfat, triple-vegan espresso mocha, clean white, two-pump, half-barley water, half-macadamia milk with room for air.
- Lunchlady Dora: We got regular and we got griddle drippings.
- Chief Wiggum: Ah, city folk. They don't know the joys of small-town diners. Like yelling gossip across a crowded room. Hey, Sea Captain, how's the IBS?
- Sea Captain: Yarr, if I'm calm, it's calm.
- Mary: What do you think you're doing?
- Principal Skinner: I'm setting up the town's annual Lettuce and Tomato Festival. It's our summertime tradition in honor of too-oft eaten, but seldom celebrated workhorses of barbecue season. The whole town turns out.
- Jeff: But Samantha, I can't go caroling with you. Your Christmas megastore's gonna put my mom-and-pop ornament shop out of business.
- Sondra: Oh, Bruce, all I cared about was my career, but then we had that moment at Christmas Creek, and things changed.
- A Christmas Ornament for Christmas director: Cut! Cut! You idiots are using the names from the last one of these we shot. You're Sondra and Jeff now.
- Mary: Don't worry. We can just dub the names in later.
- Director: Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. None of this matters.
- Surgeon fiancé: Hey, babe. How are things in the boondocks? God, you must be miserable.
- Mary: Oh, yeah, I'm surrounded by a bunch of backwoods, lotto-scratching, monster-truck-driving, Big-Gulp-guzzling bumpkins. I can't wait to go back to the city.
- Director: Great work, Mary. This movie just might be good enough to fold laundry to.
- Lisa: How are you gonna explain all the produce and people wearing shorts?
- Director: Eh, so long as the attractive white people make with the closed-mouth smooches, nobody's complaining.
- Lenny Leonard: Hey, Skinner, I never thought the Lettuce and Tomato Festival could get any better... but Christmas!
- Carl Carlson: Yeah. Makes Okratoberfest seem ridiculous in comparison.
- Director: Aw, no, this is the worst thing to happen to this movie since someone wrote it.
- Skinner: First you ruin my festival, and now this.
- Mary: People loved it! You heard that pair of nuclear engineering simpletons.
- Skinner: [chuckles] Oh, Lenny and Carl like everything. That's their affect.
- Mary: Look, I'm sorry I ruined your festival.
- Skinner: No, you made it better. People seemed to actually be showing up on purpose this year.
- Skinner: One extra-tall, nonfat, triple-vegan espresso mocha, clean white, two-pump, half-barley water, half-macadamia milk with room for air.
- Mary: You remembered.
- Skinner: Who could forget it?
- Lunchlady Dora: But we opened our hearts to you.
- Moe Szyslak: I let myself be whimsical in front of you!
- Sea Captain: How dare you not be charmed by us.
- Sideshow Mel: I may drive a monster truck, but the real monster is she!
- Mary: Wait! I didn't mean it!
- Chief Wiggum: And we know all about your plans to sell the town to that big developer who wants to turn it into condos.
- Mary: No, I'm not. How would I sell the town?
- Chief Wiggum: Yeah, all right. Forget I said anything. I took a shot. I whiffed it. Let's just... move on.
- Mary: I'm sorry, but working on this movie's been so painful. For me, Christmas is the least wonderful time of the year.
- Marge: But the song says "the most."
- Mary: I know what the song says!
- Mary: There's a reason I hate Christmas movies. It all started one winter, when a movie production came to town. My dad thought it'd be fun to be an extra. They cast him as a store employee in a scene where crazed parents stormed in to get the hottest toy. He was trampled to death. You can still see his last moments on Earth in the trailer for... [sobs] Jingle All the Way. [cries] And now I've lost everything, my fiancé, my dream job and, worst of all, the respect of a small town.
- Marge: Then you do like Springfield.
- Mary: I've come to love this place, with its homespun ways, its earnest, hardworking folk and its wonderful airbed-and-breakfasts. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm really gonna miss you all.
- Surgeon fiancé: Mary, wait, I... I don't know what happened in that gazebo, but I don't care! So who's it gonna be, me or him?
- Mary: Darling, you're perfect. But maybe life isn't about perfect. Skinner... I don't know your first name... you're the one who remembered how I like my coffee, and that's why I choose you.
- Skinner: Are you nuts? Pick him! He's a thousand times better than me. He's a surgeon. A handsome surgeon. What was your plan? Were you gonna move here? Were we gonna share a car? I'm getting dizzy just thinking about your poor decision-making.
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