Wad Goals/Quotes
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- Mr. Rum-ta-Tum: Follow me, Little Lord Ralph! What's hiding behind the Great Green Wall? A choo choo? Some buttons? A dog ten feet tall?
- Ralph Wiggum: I know what's behind the Big Hedge, because I went behind the Big Hedge and I saw what's behind the Big Hedge and now I'm gonna tell you. Yay!
- Bart: The Big Hedge? As in the Big Hedge? No one knows what's behind that thing. Although, a seventh grader once told me it was naked ladies setting off fireworks.
- Milhouse Van Houten: I heard it's where divorced parents go to get back together.
- Lewis Clark: No, sir! It's where they hold the Independent Spirit Awards! If you call that independent.
- Ralph: No, it's the best playground ever! There's Easter eggs and baby cars that anyone can drive. And this many clowns in clown pants!
- Bart: Dang, that's hella clowns.
- Nelson Muntz: Duckies! I'm gonna go steal their wet bread.
- Bart: We'd like jobs, please.
- Raphael: Well, you seem a little young, but I do need the help. I'm out several of my best caddies due to an elaborate virginity-losing wager.
- Bart: You know, I've never really sucked up to anyone before. Sure, I've lied, scammed, grifted, but this feels different. Special.
- Homer: Nice starter wad. You want to see what I'm rolling with?
- Bart: Whoa! That rubber band is just straining! Can I hold it?
- Homer: Hey, be careful with that!
- Bart: Whoa!
- [the wad of cash comes undone]
- Lisa: No-static dryer sheets?
- Bart: You pad your wad?
- Homer: I'm not the father you thought you married!
- Marge: Doesn't it bother you that Bart made that money... Sucking up to those golfers?
- Homer: Marge, sucking up is the American way. In this country, everybody got together and decided that all the money should belong to a few dozen families and their favorite suck-ups. Don't you remember when we all decided that? And of all the things that Bart might do for money, this is by far the most legal. Other people are paying our son. And in cash! It's both aboveboard and under the table. That's the dream!
- Principal Skinner: You know, since school's not in session, I can finally tell you... you're awesome.
- Bart: [to Marge] I finally found something I'm good at, and you want to ruin it! You don't know what it's like to bring something into this world, watch it grow and worry about it day and night. [to his wad] I love you, Wad. We're going shopping for rubber bands. You deserve it!
- Bildorf: Simpson, your mother's campaign is going to bankrupt this club. I need you to convince her to call it off.
- Bart: Oh, I am trying. My mom never backs down, no matter how wrong she is. [gasps] That's why she's still married to my dad!
- Mayor Quimby: As of today, the sport of golf is officially declared a religion. The Springfield Junipers Golf Club is now a house of worship. Like all religions, golf will be completely tax-exempt, adhering to the core American credo that churches rake it in but pay nothing. May Golf have mercy on us all.
- Bart: I'm not gonna suck up forever. Just until I'm rich. Then other people will suck up to me.
- Chief Wiggum: This is a raid! We're closing the club down! Bildorf, you're under arrest.
- Bildorf: Me? But they are the ne'er-do-wells. I am the head of a legitimate religion.
- Chief Wiggum: You sure are. And like every new religion, sooner or later, it turns into a sex cult. In your case, it was really... sooner.
