The Last Man Expanding/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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784
"The Last Man Expanding"
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- Homer: Hmm, something feels different.
- Lenny Leonard: It's 11:00 a.m. On a weekday. I'm on my third beer. Right on schedule.
- Lenny: I know what's missing. Did a woman named Diane used to work at this bar, and now she's been replaced by a woman named Rebecca?
- Carl Carlson: If a woman named Diane had a lead role in a bar like this, why would she ever leave? That'd be career suicide.
- Moe Szyslak: And you ain't Barney. Barney Gumble is overweight, boozed up, can't go two seconds without unleashing a--
- Barney Gumble: [burps]
- Homer, Lenny, Carl, and Moe: Barney!
- Carl: No! Why does God take all the people that drink themselves to death?
- Barney: The tests just showed that I have... "hyperglycemia."
- Lenny: So, low blood sugar?
- Carl: Lenny, he said "hyper," not "hypo." Any idiot knows the difference, idiot.
- Carl: Wow, a medicine that actually makes you skinny? That's the best side effect since Viagra was created for... What was Viagra created for?
- Lenny: I think it was to help comedy writers.
- Chief Wiggum: Oh, hey, Lou? Want to hear the big news I'm gonna tell everyone?
- Lou: Yeah, but, Chief, the bank robbers are right over there.
- Chief Wiggum: And they can stay there until I tell you this interesting fact. It all started at Moe's. You know the place next to the, uh, the music store?
- Lou: You mean the one the bank robbers are holed up in.
- Chief Wiggum: If you keep interrupting, I'm just gonna talk slower.
- Chief Wiggum: I mean, it has really changed my life. Sarah and I are making whoopee again. We're gonna have more Ralphies soon. A big one, a girl one, one that even looks more like Eddie.
- Comic Book Guy: Diet and exercise do not work for me, as I do not do them.
- Waylon Smithers: I really don't think you need to lose weight, sir.
- Mr. Burns: My target weight is to fit inside a mailing tube by Christmas. Jab me.
- Othinquic pen: We're going to be best friends forever. Which is how long you have to take me.
- Homer: Listen, boy, I would only go on medication if a doctor told me to. And I don't see doctors. Always telling me to do stuff.
- Marge: Homer, Homer, wake up! I need you.
- Homer: For snuggling?
- Marge: Talking, talking.
- Homer: Oh, uh, that's just as good. Totally.
- Homer: $900 a month? Why is it so expensive?
- Dr. Hibbert: Health insurance stopped covering it, and the pharmacies are out of stock. Their first priority are the people who need it the most.
- Homer: The people who are actually sick?
- Dr. Hibbert: No, A-list Hollywood stars.
- Homer: Do you have Othinquic?
- Otto Mann: No, just Sudafed, NyQuil, and one of the hardest things of all to get out of a drugstore: razor blades.
- Lisa: In that case, I support you, but just barely.
- Bart: That's what Dad's chair says. Oh, man. I'm gonna miss making fat jokes.
- Homer: You'll still have bald jokes.
- Bart: It's not the same.
- Chief Wiggum: Can't wait to get your ass in my face.
- Homer: I am the last fat man in Springfield. And while I can't see my feet, I can see something else. You are all unhappy. Love people for what's inside... ...lots of delicious food. And admire the ingenuity of the American chemist, who has designed potato chips that make you hungrier, sodas that makes you thirstier, all-you-can-eat restaurants that make you never feel full again. We sit eating food, watching TV about food, with commercials for more food!
