  
Abe League of Their Moe/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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787
"Abe League of Their Moe"
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- Young Abe: Why is everyone on the other team old men and little kids?
- "Old Tut" Simpson: Well, little Abe, it's because all the good players in the league are off fighting the war. Our clever cowards found a way out.
- Announcer: Now batting for Springfield, Fake Cough Johnson.
- Fake Cough Johnson: Ooh, cough, cough.
- Grampa: [on phone] Bart, it's your grampa. It's a beautiful day for a ballgame.
- Bart: [on phone] Eh, baseball's just a bunch of guys in tight pants barely moving. I can watch that here.
- Homer: Marge, my stomach ate my belt again.
- Marge: Look under the fold.
- Homer: I'm too a-scared.
- Grampa: We would've had a shot in '91 if Flash Lewis didn't get arrested mid-game.
- Moe: Oh, yeah, oh, that guy could really steal bases. And nitrous from the dentist's office.
- Grampa: [laughs] We rattled him.
- New York Yankees player: That wasn't because of you! I'm having troubles with my marriage.
- Grampa: Well, at least you're striking out somewhere.
- Grampa: I've never enjoyed losing 14-1 more. Misery isn't so bad when you have company.
- Moe: Yeah, hey, they should make a saying about that. Yeah, but they probably won't.
- Homer: [screams] My father? My bartender? The guy I'm gonna bury and the guy who's gonna bury me? I got to drink to forget this. But where?
- Moe: Our team's got passionate, dedicated fans.
- Grampa: We do?
- Moe: Yeah, us, you lovable bag of Alzheimer's.
- Moe: Yeah, but what they don't know is is I speak a pretty good Macedonian.
- Grampa: How? You barely speak English. No offense!
- Chris Rock: Hey, Walkov, Chris Rock here to tell you why you should come and play for my favorite team, the New York Mets. What a city! Where else can you get a sandwich at 3:00 a.m. and a gun at the same bodega?
- Danny Trejo: Mr. Walkov, I'm Danny Trejo. I have 468 credits on my IMDb. So why don't you just be like me and say yes to any job in L.A.?
- Moe: Oh, my drone! I was gonna use it to see if the trees I planted in erotic formations have grown in.
- Aeropos Walkov: [translated by Moe] I am here because of a beautiful video made by these two men: Corpse and Gargoyle.
- Bart: The scoreboard's huge! It's like everyone here is looking at the same phone.
- Moe: Ooh, I got to go translate the anthem for Walkov. It's kind of tough 'cause there's no Macedonian word for "free."
- Kevin Millar: Starting off your Major League career with a win? That's got to be a great feeling. Just like when I played for the Marlins.
- Aeropos Walkov: [translated by Moe] In Macedonia, our widows chant mournful dirges for your garbage Marlins.
- Bart: Oh, where's Walkov going? You said I could meet him.
- Moe: Sorry, kids, the big lug's teaching himself English by watching Family Guy.
- Aeropos Walkov: Giggity, giggity.
- Aeropos Walkov: Not giggity! [starts crying] Not giggity!
- Grampa: Lisa, print out my email. So it's ready for the email man.
- Lisa: That's not how it wor-- [groans] Okay.
- Steve Gelbs: Yeah, Steve Gelbs, Draft-Pigs News. Walkov, why are you crying and whipping yourself?
- Moe: Oh, Walkov's just real excited, uh, for the big series in Pittsburgh. And, um, oh, he's always wanted to ride that, uh, Duquesne Incline Funicular.
- Matt Lauer: Matt Lauer, Senior Baseball Correspondent for BetBastards.com. I think I can speak for all of us when I say... we completely buy that explanation.
- Moe: Gambling's the top of the food chain now. Pays all your salaries. But, hey, when a potato out of dirt like Walkov actually makes a bet, oh-ho-ho, you hypocrites pretend to be offended. You've ruined the six-hour sun slog between guys that are too skinny for football and too short for basketball that used to deserve to be called America's Pastime.
- Jomboy: Photo shoot taking place on the infield and Gramps isn't having it. "This isn't what I bought a ticket for! I didn't come to see ads gettin' filmed!" Throws the ticket on the field. One poke, two poke, three pokes. "Oh, I'm gonna have to turn my hat around!" "I'll turn my hat around! I hate all this marketing! It's everywhere! It's even on the bases!" Throws the base. "It's bad for baseball!" And he says, "Okay." One nose kiss, two nose kisses, three nose kisses. They think he's done with nose kisses. He comes back for a fourth. He says, "Oh, you want to kiss my nose?" He goes, "I'll throw my hat. I'll kick dirt on it with my left foot. And then I'll eject you from my phone and kick my hat with the right foot. I'm outta here."
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