Bottle Episode/Quotes
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- Mr. Burns: Ah, the joy of a completed to-do list. Shall we celebrate by cracking open an amontillado?
- Waylon Smithers: Uh, sir, you had that cask of amontillado walled off two days ago, along with the salesman.
- Carl Carlson: Homer, it's one taquito. It's not worth it.
- Homer: No snack left behind.
- Carl: I'll tell your story.
- Smithers: Simpson, I need you to bring the Napoleon wine directly to Mr. Burns' mansion. This is the most important job you've ever done in your entire life.
- Homer: I'm glad to have earned your trust.
- Smithers: If there were anyone else on Earth I could ask, I would.
- Homer: Oh, man, I'm so far from Mr. Burns' mansion. Where even am I?
- Bart: I'll give you a hint, dumbass. You live here.
- Homer: Give me another hint.
- Homer: Safe. So this is what being smart feels like. [chuckles] I'll reward myself with a quick garage nap in the car-- I'll just turn it on to keep warm.
- Smithers: Simpson, why haven't you delivered the bottle to Mr. Burns' mansion?
- Homer: Before I answer that, try some of this delicious stew.
- Smithers: Mmm. The onions, the garlic, the red wine from the 19th century. [groans and screams]
- Lisa: You know, wine is basically just chemistry. Maybe you need someone who knows all about the chemistry of alcohol.
- [cut to Moe's Tavern]
- Moe Szyslak: Wine's the red one, right?
- Homer: Uh, should I be worried about that?
- Professor Frink: Are you planning on having children?
- Homer: I never planned any of my children.
- Professor Frink: [stammers] Well, it is what it is.
- Homer: Moment of truth.
- Marge: You know, our marriage really could use fewer moments of truth.
- Marge: I feel a little guilty and a little scared, like the first time I fast-forwarded through a commercial.
- Smithers: That's Jim Sprawlton, from the Sprawl-Mart fortune. And from Sam's Club, there's Marcus Club himself.
- Smithers: There's Francis Ford Coppola and Andrew Lloyd Webber, the most surprisingly straight wine collector in the world. And he's next to Robert Parker, who invented the 100-point wine ranking scale.
- Andrew Lloyd Webber: I will buy this Napoleon wine with the money from the music that I write. The money from "The Music of the Night."
- Robert Parker: I rate this conversation a 36.
- Lisa: But, Dad, you said you were never gonna cover up again.
- Homer: Well, I tried not to, but covering up is all I know. So I went to the king of cover-ups. Who do you think hid all that nuclear waste under Denver's airport? This guy.
- Mr. Burns: Oh, you.
