Full Heart, Empty Pool/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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789
"Full Heart, Empty Pool"
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- Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Okay, just act cool. Hey, Amy, you promming? I... [groans] So, Amy, some of your hair got caught in your locker and I took it. No! No! God, no!
- Lawyer: And what reason did Mr. Simpson give for renting the machine?
- Squeaky-Voiced Teen: To quote, "dig a bitching swimming pool in his backyard, then throw an awesome pool party and not invite Flanders."
- Homer: Your Honor, I'd like to take over the questioning, if I may.
- Judge: Mr. Simpson, only a fool has himself for a lawyer.
- Homer: That's exactly my point, sir.
- Comic Book Guy: Also, we have no choice but to find for the plaintiff.
- Homer: D'oh!
- Judge: You're the plaintiff.
- Homer: Woo-hoo!
- Homer: Kids. Look what Daddy bought with his settlement money.
- Lisa: Floatie noodles and pool balls?
- Marge: We don't have a pool, Homer. We have a hole, which you can't fix because the judge banned you from renting any class A excavating equipment. It's now in the permanent court record that I married a buffoon. It was stipulated by all parties.
- Homer: My legacy can be Lisa.
- Marge: She's my legacy.
- Homer: Aw, I called dibs on Lisa in the delivery room. I saw her first.
- Grampa: The nearest the Simpsons ever came to a legacy was when my uncle had a soup named after him at the chowder hall. A lot of people got sick from Stan soup.
- Grampa: Son, I never played catch with you or tossed you a football or taught you how to ride a bike.
- Homer: I hate you, you monster!
- Grampa: But now we have this.
- Homer: Yeah... you're all right.
- Marge: Since you've been playing Noodleball, your weight gain has plateaued. If you keep this up, you could not gain 50 pounds.
- Homer: We're losing pools all over town.
- Grampa: What if we try to take over some pickleball courts?
- Homer: No, those Wiffle Ball whackers are psycho. They killed tennis without even breaking a sweat.
- Marge: There's someone here who wants to see you. [whispering] I let him in because he's wearing a suit.
- Gabriel Razelton: Gentlemen, I'm Gabriel Razelton. People call me "The Raz." But you shouldn't because I hate it.
- Homer: Okay, we want you to tell us.
- Grampa: No, you idiot, we decided show!
- Homer: Oh, just give us one more huddle.
- Gabriel Razelton: Show! It was always show!
- Homer: We'll be remembered forever, like that dude in the Lincoln Memorial.
- Grampa: When I was a boy, you kissed any horse that walked by. And that's how I acquired my taste for hay.
- Homer: I can't dump Grampa. He's my father. We're like brothers.
- Homer: I'm sorry, but my dad and I created Noodleball together.
- Gabriel Razelton: [sighs] You're a man of rare integrity. But I accept your deci--
- Homer: I'll do it! The old man's out!
- Blake Griffin: Noodleball is the perfect game for retired players whose bodies have been permanently destroyed by the sport they love. Which is all of us.
- Marge: Oh, Homer.
- Homer: Darling.
- Marge: Homer.
- Homer: My beloved.
- Marge: Are you waiting for your father to die so you won't have to tell him you totally screwed him over?
- Homer: Little bit.
- Bart: What's an obituary?
- Grampa: It's where they summarize your whole life in one sentence. Mine's gonna read: "He was stabbed in the back by his son."
- Homer: A real father would support his son's terrible, heartless decision!
