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Shoddy Heat/Quotes

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki


Season 36 Episode Quotes
771 "Desperately Seeking Lisa"
772
"Shoddy Heat"
"Treehouse of Horror XXXV" 773


Grampa: [voiceover] They say women are like soda water. They go better with a gallon of scotch. And when the weather is hot, we drink a lot. And sometimes it's so hot people open their windows to let the air in, and their secrets out.

Homer: Typical. My entire life you've never done one nice thing for me. And I'm always kind and loving. So redirect that AC or we're moving you to a worse home.
Grampa: There is no worse home.
Homer: I mean the one they put veterans in.
Grampa: You monster! Elder abuse!

Grampa: What are we doing here?
Chief Wiggum: We're here because when they dug up one grave, they saw something no one should see. Come on, kids. Let me show ya. Get your phones.

Bart: Grampa, you were a private detective? It takes you an hour to find your socks.

Young Agnes Skinner: I'm Agnes Skinner. And I want you to follow my boyfriend.
Young Grampa: Oh. Who's your boyfriend?
Young Agnes: A rich bald vulture by the name of Montgomery Burns. I think he's cheating on me with someone younger and sexier.
Young Grampa: I don't buy your story.
Young Agnes: Which part?
Young Grampa: The part where there's someone younger and sexier than you.

Young Homer: I don't get a new mommy?
Young Grampa: I'll be your daddy and your mommy, Son. Now, be quiet and leave me alone.

Chief Wiggum: What did your partner say when he got back?
Grampa: Nothing. Which isn't surprising because he never came back.
Lou: Never came back? What did you do?
Grampa: Got new business cards. "Abe Simpson and nobody. Private investigators."

Chief Wiggum: Oh, yeah? How'd you like it if we put you in an interrogation room with a bare light bulb, no bathroom, and a cold steel chair with an uneven leg?
Grampa: I'd call that an upgrade.

Marge: I can't believe it. Would Grampa really not look for his partner?
Homer: It's exactly what he would do. He didn't look for his missing wife. He couldn't find our runaway dog. He didn't realize I was lost at the zoo until the chimpanzee in the car seat threw up. He still sends that monkey birthday cards.

Bart: Coffin, eh? You're saying he's a vampire?
Lisa: [imitating Count Dracula] Yes, he's a vampire. We must inwestigate his blood. Blah!
Bart: You're treating me like a child. And I love it. Say "blah" two more times and I'm in.
Lisa: Blah. Blah.

Lou: Chief, that's the old man's granddaughter.
Chief Wiggum: And you didn't want to set up a stakeout.
Lou: No, I wanted to. You didn't.
Chief Wiggum: Well, somebody did... Shut up.

Lisa: I always looked up to you, Grampa.
Grampa: Well, I'm shrinking every day. So I'll be down to you mighty soon.

Lou: Two visitors in one day. There's something rotten in the state of Denmark.
Chief Wiggum: [scoffs] Is that the state we're in? Denmark? Ha!

Principal Skinner: You wanna play Chex box?
Bart: You mean Xbox?
Principal Skinner: No, Chex box. There are two extremely challenging mazes on the back. Would you like to get the spoon back to the dishwasher or help the milk find the refrigerator?
Bart: Oh, I'd like the principal to find his manhood, if you don't mind.
Principal Skinner: I am muy macho, amigo. Now, choose your Hello Kitty pencil and get tracing.

Charles Montgomery Burns: How did you get through the unguarded grounds and sliding door?

Young Mr. Burns: Let's make a deal. You forget about your ex-partner, and I'll give your son a job when he grows up.
Young Grampa: He don't need your help.
Young Homer: Daddy. Daddy!
Young Mr. Burns: I will give that poor, pathetic knuckle-brain a job and never fire him, no matter how often and how badly he messes up.
Young Homer: Help! Help!
Mr. Burns: And that's why your son wasn't fired for screwing up 742 times. Tarnation, is he bad!

Homer: No matter how big of an idiot I am, I can never lose my job! I'm like a Supreme Court Justice.

Mr. Burns: Me? Kill someone? Oh, sure, blame the ruthless villain.

Billy O'Donnell: Abe, is that you? Wow, look at you. [chuckles] You aged terribly.
Grampa: You're alive?
Billy O'Donnell: Well, if you call drinking rum out of a coconut, surfing, and hanging out with beautiful women "living," then yeah, I guess I've been living. [chuckles]

Agnes: I wanted you to think Burns killed your partner. So you would kill Burns.
Mr. Burns: Why would anyone want to kill me?
Agnes: Because when I got to know you, I realized your heart was as ugly and withered as your ass.

Agnes: And Abe, remember this, you were too good a lover to be more than just a friend.
Grampa: What does that mean?
Agnes: I'm trying to leave you with something.
Grampa: I'll take it!
Season 36 Quotes
Aired
Bart's Birthday The Yellow Lotus Desperately Seeking Lisa Shoddy Heat Treehouse of Horror XXXV Women in Shorts Treehouse of Horror Presents: Simpsons Wicked This Way Comes Convenience Airways Homer and Her Sisters O C'mon All Ye Faithful The Man Who Flew Too Much
Unscheduled
The Past and the Furious Yellow Planet The Last Man Expanding Abe League of Their Moe Estranger Things Men Behaving Manly Keep Chalm and Gary On Bad Boys... for Life?
Unknown Production Code
The Beautiful Shame Marge and Homer and Moe and Maya P.S., I Hate You