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Treehouse of Horror XXXV/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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773
"Treehouse of Horror XXXV"
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- Mayor Quimby: Thanks to Lisa Simpson's tireless and tiresome advocacy, Springfield will now be providing free LED light bulbs to every household.
- The Rich Texan: I can use the money I save to pay for these louder bullets!
- Sideshow Mel: I applaud Springfield for finally embracing a progressive idea.
- The Rich Texan: Whoa, Nelly! It's a progressive idea? Well, now I hate it.
- Tox News host: And in the culture wars, a new battle is being fought in the town of Springfield where they're coming after your light bulbs. What's next, your truck's testicles? Mrs. Butterworth's ample bosom?
- Bart: Go, monster! Crush that sculpture garden.
- Lisa: Wait. Bart, you're a right-winger?
- Bart: Nah, I'm mostly just anti-you and anti-girl in general. And pro wrecking stuff that helps people.
- Lisa: So that's a yes.
- Professor Frink: Well, I guess those two little twerps over there will have to do.
- Bart: Great. You just smooshed Otto.
- Lisa: Ew. Gross.
- Homer: Oh, giant donut, I'm sorry I ate all your babies!
- Bart: If we can both laugh at a fat guy stuck in a donut, we can work together and kick some ass.
- Lisa: Well, I guess civilization had a good run.
- Bart: Did it?
- Lisa: Concert halls were nice.
- Bart: Trampoline gyms.
- Lisa: Internet was a mistake, though.
- Bart: Hmm. Probably.
- Waylon Smithers: Work in Mr. Burns's corn syrup plant is done for the day.
- [the employees cheer]
- Smithers: Work building Mr. Burns's mansion begins for the night.
- [the employees groan]
- Lenny Leonard: Is this house ever gonna be finished? My father and grandfather died working on this place.
- Groundskeeper Willie: You're looking at the four-time Aberdeen bone-yanking champion.
- Agnes Skinner: You old fool. A promise made upon a Thanksgiving wishbone must never be broken.
- Mr. Burns: Bah! That's just an old wives' tale.
- Agnes: This has nothing to do with our divorce. Now you are cursed to be tormented by the souls of all you have wronged till the end of your days.
- Mr. Burns: Now I remember why I married you.
- Mr. Burns: [sighs] All alone on the holidays. Perhaps a sip of bi-hydrogenated oxygen before bed.
- Mr. Burns: Must have been the wind. Yes, an indoor wind. Completely natural. Super natural, even. A pair of normal occurrences.
- Agnes: You starved your workers and made millions selling the corn syrup that will embiggen an unsuspecting nation for generations to come.
- Mr. Burns: Farewell, you hectoring specters. You can't torment me if I'm dead. Ooh. I forgot about hell.
- Smithers: What could have driven such a great man to burn himself and the house he loved?
- Sideshow Mel: And on the day after Thanksgiving too. Truly it will henceforth be known as Black Friday. A day that will serve as a warning to never mistreat workers again, no matter how good the deal is.
- Homer: I don't know, Barney. I've never really been a jeans guy.
- Barney Gumble: Come on, Homer. A swinging bachelor like you needs flashy pants.
- Homer: Amazing. You can see where my butt ends and my legs begin instead of being one big bleurgh.
- Snake Jailbird: I'll take all the cash in the register. And is that a chocolate chip scone?
- Marge: Raisin.
- Snake: Ugh. No, just the cash.
- Homer: What the hell is going on?
- Denim: Calm down, Homer. I am Denim. A bio-adaptive symbiote.
- Homer: A symbi-what?
- Denim: I'm magical pants, okay?
- Denim: I've traveled from my home planet--Wrang-lor, in the 501 galaxy--because it is in the throes of a climate catastrophe. Toxins have leached into our precipitation, turning my kind into acid-washed jeans.
- Homer: But isn't that cool?
- Denim: It's never been cool.
- Denim: To survive on your planet, our species requires a human host. And my host is you. Your undercarriage is so wide, and your methane exhaust so nourishing.
- Denim: One chili dog, extra beans.
- Raphael: Yeah. You got it, talking crotch.
- Marge: I've never seen such amazing leg dancing before. I didn't even bother to look at your top half, but I'm sure it was just as good.
- Marge: That was the most amazing outercourse of my life.
- Homer: Well, I like to think I'm something of an expert at friction-based rub-a-dub.
- Homer: Look, Denim. We've had some laughs, danced, leg-strangled a guy. And I could have never gotten Marge without you. There's no easy way to say this, but maybe it's time for me to fart in other pants.
- Denim: No, no, no. Homer, don't break up with me. No one will ever flatter your ass like I do.
- Homer: Run, Marge, run! Run from my pants!
- Homer: Stop. I'm never gonna let anything come between us again. These past weeks have been the best of my life. I can't live without you.
- Marge: Oh, Homie. I love you too.
- Homer: Uh, yeah, I wasn't talking to you.
- Denim: Yes! Thank you, Jeansus.
- Marge: [sniffles] Oh. Deep down, I knew it all along.
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