Marge the Meanie/Quotes
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- Grampa: For 37 years, we've played shuffleboard against our crosstown rivals. The Golden Exits Retirement Farm.
- Crowd: [boos]
- Grampa: Those rich snobs think they're better than us, with their yoga classes, and their aquacise, and their name-brand applesauce. But today we show them what we can do!
- Bart: Mom, she's treating you like you were a bad kid in school. But that's impossible. Unless...
- Marge: Well, I... not really.
- Bart: You were a bad kid in school! High five. And now you're trying to lie about it! [gasps] We're the same! We're the same! We're the same! We're the same!Oh, I finally have a parent I am proud of.
- Young Marge: The mean girls are picking on me again.
- Ms. York: Well, what do you expect me to do, start some kind of anti-bullying policy?
- Ralph Wiggum: I want the one where Batman eats lasagna.
- Comic Book Guy: That is Garfield, who is not a bat, but a cat. How can someone with such a big head be so stupid?
- Moe Szyslak: Yeah, well, truth be told, uh, none of us was positive Lisa was really your kid. She's smart as a whip.
- Homer: Wha...?
- Lenny Leonard: She can control her temper.
- Homer: Why, you...!
- Carl Carlson: You look exactly like her if she was a big, fat, bald guy, which she's not. In the least.
- Brandine Spuckler: I need a price check on a pack of Gassy Granny Underwear.
- Helen Lovejoy: [gasps] That's not mine. How did it get in my cart?
- Brandine: I also need a price check on a gallon of Sober by Six Day Drinker's Gin, Lady Stinkfoot Insoles, The Marvelous Mrs. Miser's Week-Old Bread, Barely Helpful Herpes Ointment, FEMA Brand Emergency Toilet Paper... and Garbage Mouth Bad Breath Neutralizing Suppositories.
- Homer: Is that pulled pork dripping with cheese?
- Lisa: Uh, yes, except instead of cheese, I'm using cashew paste with nutritional yeast and for pork, I'm substituting jackfruit.
- Marge: I'm behaving like a little brat and it's made me a better mother.
- Homer: But pranking isn't like you, it's like me. We can't have two of me in this marriage. One of me is enough for three of us.
- Marge: I've waited for a connection like this for so long. Longer than the new Avatar movie.
- Homer: It's coming, Marge. You've got to have faith.
- Marge: You sound like James Cameron, Homer. What if we never see Pandora again? The real unobtanium is the sequel.
- Homer: Have faith, have faith.
- Waylon Smithers, Jr.: Oh, sorry. No one's allowed in the store while Mr. Burns shops for the right chewing gum.
- Marge: Are you for real?
- Smithers: I am. He doesn't want to, quote, "Catch your poverty."
- Bart: I don't know who I am without pranking. It's in our blood. Like when you had me, that was a total prank on Dad. If you give it up, you're giving me up!
- Lisa: Dad, I love you, but I don't want to do this if you're gonna... Homer it up.
- Homer: My name is a verb, meaning "to ruin"? That is pretty Homer-ed up.
- Lisa: I'm sorry.
- Chief Wiggum: Uh-oh, Lou. We have got a zombie situation here. Aim for the brain. It's the only way.
- Marge: Just teaching a lesson to my son. She was never dead.
- Chief Wiggum: She's a zombie lover, Lou! Aim for both their heads. It's the only way.
- Lou: They're not zombies, Chief. And neither were the Wilsons.
- Chief Wiggum: Uh, don't mention the Wilsons.
