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Portrait of a Lackey on Fire/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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714
"Portrait of a Lackey on Fire"
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- Waylon Smithers: Congratulations, sir—it's eight puppies. Four boys, three girls, and, uh, one who would prefer not to be labeled yet.
- Mr. Burns: Smithers, you're in charge of their training. Teach them all the classic commands. Sit, stay... and bite striking workers with your "wittle teefers."
- Mr. Burns: Warren Buffett sent this box of broken wooden pieces.
- Smithers: Sir, that's a puzzle.
- Mr. Burns: It certainly is a puzzle. What's his game, sending me these misshapen bits?
- Smithers: I just want someone to be there when I get home. Someone who loves me unconditionally.
- Homer: Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff. It's the conditions that'll kill ya.
- Mr. Burns: Well, that's the last of the litter. Oh, except for you. You're no killer, with those soft eyes and kind disposition. You've brought shame to the very notion of inbreeding.
- Michael de Graaf: Good muscle tone, needy, with a slight drooling problem. Reminds me of my last boyfriend.
- Homer: [thinking] His last girlfriend was a boy? [out loud] Your last girlfriend was a boy?
- Michael: I can offer Burns a priceless Impressionist painting.
- Smithers: Mr. Burns' collection could use a Manet...
- Michael: Well, I've got a Monet and a guy who can change O's to A's.
- Smithers: Mm, Mr. Burns would never know the difference. He hates art-he just wants to keep it out of museums.
- Luigi Risotto: Welcome-a to Luigi's. Italiana food for everybody. I put a-salt and a-pepper on the table, but for you, such a handsome couple, if you want-a pepper and-a pepper, hey, that's a-wonderful, too!
- Mrs. Risotto: [mutters in Italian]
- Luigi: Mamma, no! God-a loves everybody!
- Mrs. Risotto: [shouting in Italian]
- Luigi: But what about Uncle Benito and the roommate he always-a brings to Easter supper?
- Mrs. Risotto: [spits]
- Luigi: Mamma, no! Do not put a hex on their ziti!
- Homer: I am a gay matchmaking God!
- Lenny Leonard: What about some straight matchmaking for us?
- Homer: I'm a God, not a miracle worker.
- Mr. Burns: You were gone? Who cares? I figured it out. These pieces are designed to interlock. But to what purpose?
- Smithers: Sir, it is a puzzle.
- Mr. Burns: Not for long, man. Monty Burns is on the case. The obvious first step is to sort every piece by weight.
- Marge: Tell me all about Michael de Graaf!
- Smithers: Well, Michael's kind of perfect. Attentive, treats me like an equal, has never trap-doored an entire Girl Scout troop because they were out of Thin Mints. I mean, it's nice to finally be in love with someone... good.
- Marge: What if we threw you two a party?
- Smithers: A party. That's what people do when they finally have something worth celebrating.
- Julio Franco: Just what I always wanted for him, a handsome billionaire boyfriend. So happy.
- Lenny: Do you like my top?
- Michael: [looking at Carl] Yes. He seems very nice.
- Smithers: When did you first realize that Homer was the one, the great love of your life?
- Marge: Well, after he got me pregnant, I just knew he was someone I was gonna have kids with.
- Luigi: Mamma, everyone is-a happy. Why are you so against this-a love? Why?
- Mrs. Risotto: I hate... because I hate-a myself! I... I love-a the women.
- Luigi: No, Mamma, you are beautiful. You love-a the women, and I love-a the you.
- Gil Gunderson: Hey, look at me, I'm a working stiff! Very stiff. These chemicals are giving me a condition my doctor calls "living rigor mortis."
- Smithers: I can't believe I'm asking you this, but I-I have a question about, uh... my love life.
- Mr. Burns: Indeed. Tell me about the lucky lady.
- Smithers: Man.
- Mr. Burns: Oh. What's her...
- Smithers: His.
- Mr. Burns: ...name?
- Smithers: Michael.
- Mr. Burns: Michelle. Such a lovely name. And, uh, what does she...
- Smithers: He.
- Mr. Burns: ...do?
- Mr. Burns: Michael de Graaf? Smithers, you fool. Marry that man right now. What? So you have to pretend to be gay-who cares? He's a billionaire.
- Smithers: I always thought a Chernobyl in Springfield would be caused by my horrible boss, not my perfect boyfriend.
- Smithers: I can't believe I fell in love with a monster.
- Michael: Really? It seems to me that you have a pretty consistent type.
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