I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can/Quotes
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< I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can
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- Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: Hello, Springfield! Come to my "Back-To-School Parking Lot Blow-Out."
- Marge: School's starting, Bart. Aren't you excited? This year you learn about local history!
- Apu: We've got first-rate school supplies at third-world prices. At the Kwik-E-Mart where we believe in America! Please don't beat me up anymore.
- Announcer: We start with authentic letter-graded meat, and process the hell out of it, till it's good enough for Krusty.
- Krusty the Clown: Try my new Krusty Ribwich. Mm. I don't mind the taste!
- Groundskeeper Willie: This year, he gets it in the back.
- Principal Skinner: Willie, did you get the letter about your pay cut?
- Willie: Aye. There'll be many a cut this year.
- Skinner: Indeed there will. Budgetwise, of course.
- Bart: Nelson, how was your summer?
- Nelson Muntz: Sucked.
- Bart: What'd you do?
- Nelson: Space camp.
- Martin Prince: At ease, Cadet Nelson. Good to be back on terra firma, eh?
- Nelson: How 'bout I launch my foot into your butt?
- Martin: I held your hair when you barfed in the simulator.
- Nelson: Shut up! Commander.
- Skinner: Welcome back, children. We've all had fascinating summers. I was the Maitre D' at the Springfield Country Club.
- Jimbo Jones: My dad says you were a busboy!
- Skinner: You mean your dad the raging alcoholic?
- Skinner: Um, we'd better get down to business. As this is a non-leap year, we're already a day behind.
- Bart: C'mon man, everyone knows the first day of school is a total wank.
- Skinner: Well, if by "wank" you mean educational fun, then stand back, it's wanking time.
- Skinner: Bart, your word is "imply."
- Bart: I-M-P...
- Nelson: Bart said "I am pee"! He's made of pee!
- Bart: Well, I got my laugh. I'm outta here.
- Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants.
- Skinner: Well, we're down to our last two students. Milhouse, your word is "choke."
- Milhouse Van Houten: Oh I know this one. It's so easy! F... Oh, man.
- Skinner: And here's your prize for today: a scale model of the planet Mars.
- Lisa: This is just a kickball with "Mars" written on it.
- Skinner: Behold, the red planet.
- Rib-It: Hey, hey the Ribwich is back!
- Homer: [gasps] The Ribwich! The commercials have come to pass!
- Rib-It: Try the new Ribwich. It's so good you'll croak!
- Homer: You seem like an impartial observer. But I've been fooled by so many people in costumes.
- Rib-It: Try the sauce -- I'm soaked in it!
- Homer: Ooh! I could lick you all day long.
- Rib-It: And yet my children think I'm a failure.
- Homer: Three Ribwiches please. And instead of a shake I'd like a blended Ribwich.
- Squeaky-voiced teen: I'm sorry, sir, the Ribwich was for a limited time only.
- Homer: Not again! First you took away my Philly Fudge Steak, and then my Bacon Balls, then my Whatcha-ma-chicken. You monster!
- Cletus Spuckler: Hey lookie, it's that young'un what sorts them squiggles into words. Can you spell scabies?
- Lisa: S-C-A-B-I-E-S.
- Brandine Del Roy: [to the baby] Rubella, we got you a middle name.
- George Plimpton: Welcome to the games of the 34th Spellympiad. I'm George Plimpton, founder of the Paris Review. I also played the evil dean in Boner Academy.
- Homer: You monster! Why did you expel Boogerman?
- George Plimpton: He replaced my tennis racket with a rubber phallus.
- Homer: [laughs] That was awesome.
- Homer: You don't understand. It's not just a sandwich. It's about brotherhood. It's about freedom. It's about three days since I've had one! I'm getting the shakes... and I'm getting the fries!
- Lisa: [dreaming] Throw the bee and go to college. Throw the bee and go to college...
- Barnard: We are the Seven Sisters, and you could attend any one of us. Like Barnard -- Columbia's girl next door.
- Radcliffe: Come to Radcliffe and meet Harvard men!
- Wellesley: Or come to Wellesley and marry them.
- Mount Holyoke: [drunk] No, party with me.
- Vassar: Or non-conform with me!
- Smith: Play lacrosse with me.
- Bryn Mawr: Or explore with me.
- Lisa: No, I don't want to pay for college by throwing a spelling bee.
- Seven Sisters: Give in, Lisa! Get a free ride!
- George Plimpton: And a hotplate!
- Krusty the Clown: Look, about the Ribwich. There aren't gonna be anymore -- the animal we made 'em from is now extinct.
- Homer: The pig?
- Otto Mann: The cow?
- Krusty: You're way off. Think smaller, think more legs.
- Crowd: Eww!
- Lisa: You mean you're all still proud of me?
- Mayor Quimby: Lisa, with second place, you're the biggest winner this town has ever had. Before you, it was the woman who dated Charles Grodin.
