Helter Shelter/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- Marge: Can't beat a skybox! All the exitement of being in the sky, with the security of being in a box.
- Bart: Oh-ho-ho! This is gonna be the coolest basketball game ever!
- Lisa: Actually, it says here we're gonna see hockey.
- Homer, Marge and Bart: Noooo!
- Exterminator: These are no ordinary termites. What you got here are Russian No-wood-nicks.
- Marge: Can you save our house?
- Exterminator: Okay, but, in order to kill these bugs, I've got to live like a bug, think like a bug, become a bug! [he gets on his hands and knees and starts gnawing on the coffee table]
- Marge: [to Homer] Why do you always hire the cheapest guy?
- Homer: [referring to the A Bug's Death logo on the exterminator's van] I go by how funny the sign is.
- Homer: I know. We'll stay with my very best friend in the whole world... Lenny.
- [The Simpsons are now at Lenny's front door. They ring the buzzer.]
- Lenny: Hey, Simpsons!
- Homer: That's Lenny?! Oh, I wanted the black one!
- [At The Reality Channel.]
- Female Executive: Well, this family looks pretty interesting.
- Mitch Hartwell: But isn't the dad Bill Cosby?
- Bill Cosby: Ya see, I gotta get back on the TV, 'cause with the Osbournes and the soft-core porns, and the dogs poopin' and nobody scoopin', and the vee-tha-vul hah-hah hah!
- Female Executive: We need a family that hasn't been on TV forever. Let's try the Simpsons!
- Mitch Hartwell: Welcome to your home for the next six months.
- Bart: [wearing old style clothes: a blue shirt tucked into a pair of blue shorts, a pink bowtie and a blue hat with golden curls] Oh, man, I can't wear this. I look like Buster Brown... whoever that is.
- Homer: Oh-ho-ho, you look so adorable [he pinches Bart's cheek] ...Lisa.
- Marge: Your school chums are going to be so jealous of your little outfit.
- [Outside the window, the bullies look inside. Jimbo punches his fist into his other hand.]
- Jimbo: God, I wish I had that little outfit.
- Kearney: Yeah, those golden curls are to die for.
- Homer: [he pulls a pot out from under a bed] Wow! They had an army helmet under every bed? [he puts the pot on his head]
- Mitch Hartwell: Mr. Simpson? That's a chamber pot. You're supposed to go to the bathroom in it.
- Homer: Befoul an army helmet? You'd like that, wouldn't you? Hippie!
- [Marge is shopping at the Kwik-E-Mart.]
- Apu: By orders of The Reality Channel, I must make sure you only buy items available in 1895! [he begins looking through the items Marge wants to purchase] Oreos? Sorry, these are from 1896. Non-scarring toilet paper? Ho! Dream on! Urkel O's? Delicious, but forbidden.
- Marge: I'll just take these tampons.
- Apu: [looking through a 1895 almanac] I don't believe they had those in 1895.
- Marge: Yes they did! Look closer! [she slams the almanac on Apu's face] Twenty-three skidoo! [she exits]
- [The Simpsons and Squiggy eat dinner.]
- Lisa: Why is the guy from Laverne and Shirley living in our house?
- Squiggy: 'Cause nobody's watching you clowns! If you was to ask me, you're all too calm and happy. The essence of drama is conflict. That's why they gave me this taser. [he shocks Homer with the taser]
- Homer: I can't remember the last time I cried like this!
- Lisa: When you put your T-shirt on backwards?
- Homer: [breaking down] Aaah-ha-ha-ha-oh, yes! The tag chafed my throat!
- [Back the Simpson's home.]
- Homer: TV was the one good thing in my life, and now I can't enjoy it anymore!
- Marge: I guess we'll have to find a new way to entertain ourselves.
- Lisa: What about books?
- Marge: Yeah! If we read books, we could form a club.
- Homer: If we formed a club, we can serve drinks!
- Bart: Hey, Dad! Why don't we watch you drink from a hose?
- Homer: Good idea, Lisa!
