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Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade/Quotes

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Season 14 Episode Quotes
293 "How I Spent My Strummer Vacation"
"Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade"
"Large Marge" 295

[While Bart is watching the Clock Channel on TV.]
TV announcer: Coming up on the Clock Channel: 6:00.
Bart: Wait, I already saw this one.

Lisa: Bart, the test is in 2 hours, and you haven't slept in a fortnight!
Bart: What's a fortnight?
Lisa: You should know, it's on the test!

Mrs. Krabappel: No pressure, children, but these test results will follow you for the rest of your life and beyond the grave.

Bart: Lisa's not so great! She got diarrhea on our trip to Carl's Dad Caverns!

Nelson: Ha ha!
Mrs. McConnell: Young man, you're not in this class. What are you doing here?
Nelson: Laughing at jerks.
[Later on the class field trip.]
Nelson: Ha ha!
Mrs. McConnell: You weren't on this field trip! How did you get here?
Nelson: Biked.

Homer: Hey, you can't fool us. We're from the "Learn to Fart" state.

Lisa: That's cheating! Bart cheated!
Mrs. McConnell: Young lady, in the third grade we don't care for tattletales.
Lisa: [moans] Ohhhhh.
Mrs. McConnell: And we don't care for moaners, either.
Lisa: [starts crying]
Mrs. McConnell: Sobbing only pushes Bart's grade higher!
Lisa: [cries again]

Bart: [while Lisa is doing her homework] Quiet nerds burp only near school.
Lisa: Bart, I'm doing my geography homework.
Bart: I know. That's how you remember the 4 original provinces of Canada. Quebec, New Brunswick, Ontario, Nova Scotia; "Quiet Nerds Burp Only Near School." And here's how you remember the principle exports; "Dogs Eat Barf Only On Wednesday, Mable."
Lisa: Stop! I want to learn on my own.
Bart: [walks out of the room; hangs from a vent] Canada's govenor's general; "Clowns Love Haircuts, So Should Lee Marvin's Vallet."
Lisa: Get out! [tries to hit Bart with her book]

Bart: And the Lord said, "Let there be crap!"

Bart: What?! I gotta be in the same class as her?
Lisa: What?! I gotta be in the same class as him?
Homer: [watching Bart and Lisa on TV] They're gonna be in the same class as each other?!

Marge: Get back, honky cat.

[On "Japanese Friends" on TV.]
Japanese Chandler: Do you like my new shirt? It says "Reggae Hair Style Rock n' Roll." Could I be more Japanese?
Japanese Phoebe: You are the Emperor of Last Year.
Japanese Chandler: Your comeback shames me.

Lisa: Bart, I think we're lost.
Bart: I used to be lost, until a friend turned me onto a book. It's called "Lisa is Stupid".
Lisa: You die now! [tackles Bart]

Marge: Hello, Principal Skinner!
Principal Skinner: [speaks fast] Parent who waves their right to sue says what?
Marge: What?
Principal Skinner: [holds up an audio recorder and shuts record off] Got it.

Homer: Oh, it's red wire to red wire. What idiot dreamed that up?

Mrs. McConnell: Lisa comes to us from Ms. Hoover... [makes a drinking sound] ...while Bart was taught by Mrs. Krabappel. [fake coughs]' Slut!

Tom Brokaw: [during the news break] Oh, Lord, I'm so fat! [vomits in a bucket]

Principal Skinner: If this ordeal has taught us anything, it's that nothing works better than the status quo. Bart, you're promoted back to the fourth grade.
Bart: Yeah!
Principal Skinner: And Lisa, you have a choice. You may continue to be challenged in third grade, or return to second grade and be merely a big fish in a little pond.
Lisa: Big fish! Big fish!
Homer: The status quo.
Milhouse: The status quo? Ay Carumba!
Principal Skinner: That's just sad.
Season 14 Quotes
Treehouse of Horror XIII How I Spent My Strummer Vacation Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade Large Marge Helter Shelter The Great Louse Detective Special Edna The Dad Who Knew Too Little The Strong Arms of the Ma Pray Anything Barting Over I'm Spelling As Fast As I Can A Star Is Born Again Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington C.E. D'oh 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky Three Gays of the Condo Dude, Where's My Ranch? Old Yeller-Belly Brake My Wife, Please The Bart of War Moe Baby Blues