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Treehouse of Horror XIII/Quotes

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Season 14 Episode Quotes
291 "Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge"
"Treehouse of Horror XIII"
"How I Spent My Strummer Vacation" 293

Opening Sequence[edit]

Maude's Ghost: Are you ready for tales that will shatter your spine and boil your blood?!
Lisa: Well, duh.

Send in the Clones[edit]

Ned: [looking through kitchen window] Hey, Homer, I was wondering if I could borrow that chainsaw you, ahh... stole from me?
Homer: Yeah, but you'll have to leave a credit card.
Ned: No problem.[takes out card] Discover okay?
Homer: [reproachfully] Ned.
Ned: Okay, here's my Amex.

Moe: All right, who's paying the tab?
Homer's clones: LENNY!
Lenny: Anything for Homers.

Marge: No belly button? You're a clone! Then the real Homer--
Homer clone: First over cliff.

Homer: [just created two clones of himself] Now there's four of me. I think this might be a magic hammock.

The Fright to Creep and Scare Harms[edit]

Lisa: I dream of a world without guns. Don't we all, William?
Bart: Lisa has a dead boyfriend!
Lisa: He's not my dead boyfriend! He's a dead boy that happens to be my friend.

Lou: [handing in his gun] This always made me feel like a man, you know? Now all I got is my enormous genitals.

William "Billy the Kid" Bonney: [introducing his gang] The Sundance Kid!
Comic Book Guy: What happened to Butch Cassidy?
Sundance Kid: "What happened to Butch Cassidy?" We're not joined at the hip, ya know!

Sideshow Mel: Another tragedy prevented by gun violence!

The Island of Dr. Hibbert[edit]

Marge: The House of Pain? I guess this is where you pay the bill. [laughs] Why am I always funny when no one's around?

Homer: Oh my God! She's become a monster! Which I have to admit, I sorta suspected during the sex.

Comic Book Guy (Half-goat): Hear me, accursed brethren! I understand some of you are still wearing tattered pants. Please throw them on the bonfire, and embrace your animal essence.
Chief Wiggum (Half-pig): Okay, but I'm keeping my tattered vest. I still have my dignity. Hey, slops! [eats slops] Ooohh, a toenail! Heh, Heh! [eats the toenail]

Homer: You guys are nuts! All you can do is eat and sleep and mate and roll around in your own filth and mate and eat -- [abruptly breaks off] Where do I sign up?

Lisa: How do you like being a walrus, Dad?
Homer: It's great! I haven't been this skinny since high school!
Season 14 Quotes
Treehouse of Horror XIII How I Spent My Strummer Vacation Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade Large Marge Helter Shelter The Great Louse Detective Special Edna The Dad Who Knew Too Little The Strong Arms of the Ma Pray Anything Barting Over I'm Spelling As Fast As I Can A Star Is Born Again Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington C.E. D'oh 'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky Three Gays of the Condo Dude, Where's My Ranch? Old Yeller-Belly Brake My Wife, Please The Bart of War Moe Baby Blues