Difference between revisions of "Diggs/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 13:00, March 7, 2022

Reverend Kartawijaya: The children in my village are just like you. One boy, named Sumadi, never comes to church. He is always tying the monkeys' tails together and yelling "tiger is gone" when in fact the tiger is there. Unfortunately, Sumadi is sick now.

Carl Carlson: What?! Sumadi has a problem?

Reverend Kartawijaya: Sumadi... and others equally doe-eyed... need urgent medical treatment. After all, we are all just children of Allah. I mean, God. Sorry, recent convert.

Ned Flanders: Does anyone remember when it was considered rude to talk in church?

Reverend Lovejoy: Pipe down, Ned.

Marge: Homer, quit badgering the boy.

Homer: Pressure's how you make your beloved diamonds, Marge.

Marge: I don't have any diamonds.

Homer: Quit pressuring me!

Jimbo Jones: All right, Simpson. Twenty big ones says you're not messed-up enough to eat... this!

Lisa: No Bart, no. Do it and you'll always be known as the kid who ate the dead frog.

Herb: [Homer voice] Where's my money! Get my money! Money-money-money-money-money...

Bart: Here's your money, dad.

Homer: What? Did you owe me some money?

Dr. Hibbert: And Homer, here's your bill for four thousand dollars.

Nelson Muntz: Herbivore!

Lisa: That's someone who eats plants.

Nelson: I named the frog Herb!

Jimbo: What's the matter? Frog in your throat?

Bart: You're the ones that paid me to eat it.

Kearney Zzyzwicz: All we hear is ribbit, ribbit!

Diggs: I transferred here a few months ago.

Bart: To this school? On purpose? Even after Springfield Montessori opened across the street?

Groundskeeper Willie: Looks like the falconry club's back from the dead!

Principal Skinner: Can the Esperanto Society be far behind? I mean... Ĉu la Esperanto-Societo esti multe malantaŭ?

Willie: Two languages and somehow no one will talk to you.

Skinner: Ĝi estas vera. Mi tre soleca.

Homer: It's okay if you need to take a little nap.

Bart: Why would I want a nap?

Homer: Because you're so drunk you can barely keep it together!

Bart: I wasn't drinking. I was learning that nature isn't a complete waste of space.

Lisa: That doesn't sound like you.

Homer: But it does sound like the kind of lie you'd make up after the first time you got blitzed.

Diggs: Don't worry. He's only bitten off one of my fingers. [Bart gasps] Just goofing on you. This is the finger he bit off.

Bart: [to Freedom] Fly! Fly! C'mon, man! Do the wing thing!

Bart: Say something so I'll know you're not hurt.

Diggs: I'm really hurt.

Bart: Phew!

Bart: Listen... what happened in that tree?

Diggs: Um... you want the truth? Of course you do. You're like Diogenes, but with slingshot in place of lamp. I wanted to fly. I know it sounds a little crazy now, but I suddenly thought maybe we can all fly, but somehow we've forgotten that we can.

Bart: You don't still think that, do you?

Diggs: Hey, I'm not flying anywhere with this broken wing.

Lisa: Want a hug?

Bart: You hug the bedpost. Then I hug the bedpost. That way we never hug each other.

Jimbo: Hey, Simpson. I heard bird boy got a new cage—one with rubber bars.

Kearney: Yeah, and a rubber perch!

Dolph Shapiro: Yeah, yeah, and a...

Bart: I get it. It sucks. Really sucks.

Dolph: [feebly] ...rubber birdfeeder.

Jimbo: Making fun of the mentally ill. Real classy.

Dolph: But you guys were...

Kearney: We were what, Captain Sensitive?

Diggs: The rumors of my bonkertude have been greatly exaggerated. D.S.M. Five indicates paranoid schizophrenia. But that work is mired in controversy. Mired.

Bart: Before anything else, let me just get closer to the door and say "how crazy are you"?

Diggs: I'm fine. My meds won't wear off till tonight. Then I'll have Freedom tear you to shreds.

Bart: No offense, but when a crazy guy pretends to be crazy, it's not funny.

Cletus Spuckler: [to his falcon] If you see the stork what brings us babies, kill it!