The War of Art/Quotes
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- Homer: Kettle corn. The heroin of the farmers' market.
- Marge: Oh, it looks great!
- [Homer walk to the living room and look at the new painting]'
- Homer: Well, to me, it looks like garbage salad. But that's the great thing about art. Everyone can have their own opinion about why it sucks.
- Marge: But the Van Houtens are our friends.
- Homer: Are they, Marge? If you think about it, aren't they really just the parents of a kid who happens to hang out with our kid?
- Marge: All our friends are like that.
- Marge: What if we give the Van Houtens 25% of the money?
- Homer: Then they'll just be mad about the 65% that we're keeping.
- Homer: Okay, Milhouse, the guys in back are shining up your new bike.
- Milhouse Van Houten: And all I have to do is not say anything about some painting to my Mom and Dad?
- Marge: Oh, sweetie, you want your parents to be happy, don't you?
- Milhouse: I guess.
- Homer: "I guess"! You're funny! No wonder Lisa's in love with you.
- Milhouse: She is?!
- Lisa: She is?!
- Luann Van Houten: We considered you our friends. We trusted you! I let Homer use our master bathroom! Then you stab us in the back!
- Marge: See what happens when we get greedy?!
- Homer: Honey, there's something I want to show you.
- Marge: An ATM receipt?
- Homer: I don't know whose this is. I found it next to the cash machine, and I've always kept it. Look at the balance.
- Marge: Five figures!
- Homer: With that painting, we could have what these people have: A money cushion. No more living paycheck to paycheck, one lost retainer away from the gutter.
- Marge: I could write a check with today's date on it.
- Homer: That's the cushion.
- Marge: Great! Now we're raccoons, the masked bandits of the animal world!
- Homer: Don't worry. No one's gonna see this stupid show.
- Marge: We don't even get this many Christmas cards.
- Kirk Van Houten: [looking at the picture of Luann on his MyPad, desperately] Oh, Luann, I'll never gaze from my thick eyeglasses into your thick eyeglasses ever again.
- Homer: Okay, all I gotta do is take a quick ferry to Isla Verde, find Café Artiste, and they'll back up Kirk's story. That will prove the painting was his—and now ours.
- Marge: Oh, Homer Simpson, that painting has torn the town apart, destroyed Kirk and Luann's marriage, and everyone's very worried about Milhouse.
- Bart: He's been playing Dancing Revolution for hours, but the TV is off.
- [Milhouse is still playing the dancing game while the TV is off]
- Homer: But our cushion!
- Marge: That picture has brought out the worst in everyone! Please! Just let it go!
- [She walk away from Homer angrily, and Bart just walk into him]
- Bart: You're not gonna let it go, are you?
- Homer: I wish I knew how.
- Lisa: This is so exciting! My first time establishing provenance!
- Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just remember, if your mother asks, I took you to a wine tasting.
- Lisa: That's a terrible thing for a father to do.
- Homer: That's why she'll believe it.
- Lisa: You're a forger?
- Klaus Ziegler: "Forger" is such a cruel word. I'm an art forger.
- Lisa: What you do is horrible; ripping off geniuses who spent years perfecting their styles.
- Klaus Ziegler: Perhaps you are the one who is horrible.
- Lisa: What?!
- Klaus Ziegler: You only cared about that painting when you thought it was created by someone famous.
- Lisa: Well, no, but now when I look at it, all I see is a fraud.
- Klaus Ziegler: Beauty is beauty. My forgeries give pleasure to people all over the world.
- Klaus Ziegler: If there's one thing art is good for, it's to melt the frost which often hardens a woman's heart.
