Labor Pains/Quotes
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- Lisa: Did you know some historians think American football is based on an ancient Aztec game?
- Bart: It's not American football, it's just football.
- Lisa: Bart, you're not annoyed that Milhouse asked me to go to the American football game instead of you?ḕ
- Bart: Mom, Lisa's ruining football.
- Lisa: American football.
- Homer: Oh, you like movies? This reminds me of that scene in Alien.
- Gretchen: What?
- Homer: The scene where she escapes with the cat at the end.
- Gretchen: Aw, well, that's sweet.
- Homer: College is expensive but it's worth it.
- Milhouse Van Houten: [looking at the Jumbo-tron in the football stadium] These are great seats. You can hear the players swear from up here.
- Football Player: [off screen in distance] I'll kick your ass, Milhouse!
- Milhouse: I dating a cheerleader.
- Lisa: No, you're not!
- Football player: Burned again, Milhouse!
- Homer: Wow, so now there's two things named after me... a baby, and a law banning air horns after 3:00 a.m.
- Marge: You have a baby together?
- Homer: Oh, it's cool. We did it in an elevator.
- Marge: I'm a Schwarzenegger wife.
- Homer: But you're also the housekeeper, so it's all good.
- Marge: It's not good. None of its good.
- Homer: I haven't had a drink for a week.
- Marge: That is pretty good.
- Grampa: If this is heaven, why don't my shoes match?
- The Rich Texan: Okay, I give up. I'm gonna do what we secretly did at the Alamo—surrender.
- Kirk Van Houten: While you're at it, how about a little boost for peanut vendors?
- The Rich Texan: What do you think I'm taking their raise out of?
