Steal This Episode/Quotes
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- Marge: Ooh, date night! I'll go change my bra.
- Homer: If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus!
- Homer: Bless you, boy. That was the greatest thing I've seen on a computer that I can talk about with you in the room. How did you know how to do that?
- Bart: I'm under 30.
- Carl Carlson: Homer, go to the theater and see the movie.
- Homer: Theaters? All I need to see this movie is a laptop and a Web site based in a country that's really just an offshore oil platform.
- Carl: All we want is brand-new, big budget entertainment in our homes for nothin'.
- Marge: [to Homer] This is fun! And it was so nice of the movie company to let you show their film.
- Marge: When I watched that pirated movie, I was stealing with my eyes.
- FBI Soldier: I wanted to catch serial killers.
- Deputy Director Gratman: [mocking his soldier in whiny voice] I wanted to catch serial killers.
- Chief Wiggum: I'm not wearing an undershirt and my badge is poking into my skin.
- Deputy Director Gratman: We got our man, thanks to a tip from a heroic American snitch.
- Homer: [Angry at Superintendent Chalmers] Superintendent Chalmers, you never forgave me for that time we wore the same Hawaiian shirt to that luau!
- Deputy Director Gratman: From now on, the only place you'll be watching movies without having to buy a ticket is jail.
- Lisa: [about Santa's Little Helper eating Homer's dinner] It's almost like having Dad here. Only with less growling when I go near his food.
- Bart: I just want to know who dropped the dime on Dad. Lousy rat.
- Marge: [asking Swedish ambassador] Your country doesn't think illegally downloading movies is wrong?
- Lisa: The people of Sweden believe all movies should be shared freely.
- Marge: How is that not stealing?
- Gottfrid: Bah, your Hollywood studios are the real thieves, claiming all their hit movies have lost money. I spit on their bookkeeping.
- Homer: Yeah, and why don't they make a sequel to Taken where The Hangover guys get taken and the only ones that could rescue them is Fast and Furious.
- Bart: Aw, man, I would love to pirate that.
- Deputy Director Gratman: There's only one surefire way to get fugitives out of a foreign building—blasting death metal.
- Gottfrid: Swedes love death metal. It's remind us of death.
- Deputy Director Gratman: Damn those Peace Prize-giving fish-smoker.
- Judd Apatow: Homer Simpson is an enemy of art. Art created by writers, directors, and the guy who uses a computer to erase or enhance nipples.
- Bart: So what do you think, Lise? Who are the good guys here? The media companies or the Internet freedom guys?
- Lisa: Well, both groups claim their intentions are noble, but at the end of the day, they're both trying to steal as much money as they can.
- Bart: So everyone's a pirate?
- Lisa: Yes, and the worst one of all is...(Cut off with footage of the 2011 NASCAR race)
- Homer: What are you guys in for?
- Dan: Bank robbery.
- Kevin: Drug trafficking. What about you?
- Homer: Movie piracy.
- [everyone else gasps]
- Dan: People in show business work hard to make those movies.
- Kevin: My media stocks underperformed because of people like YOU!
- Hank: My brother lost his job as a grip-holder. He had to sell his jet ski. A grip without a jet ski ain't no GRIP AT ALL!
- [breaks himself and his colleagues free while Dan strangles Homer with a chain]
- Kevin: Oh, you're about to find out what we do to copyright infringers!
