Top Goon/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- Moe Szyslak: Okay, stuff like this is why Gayle left you.
- King Toot: No one knows why Gayle left me, except for Gayle and my more-handsome brother. But don't let my success get to you, Moe. Remember, just because something good happens to me, you're a giant loser.
- Moe: I ain't spending one second replaying my failures. [chuckles] Like how I don't got no money, I got no education. My mattress is a pallet of flyers I was supposed to deliver. How I was invited to five different dinners for schmucks in one week. I only got one lightbulb, which I got to take from room to room. How every sex cult I join turns into a suicide cult. I'm a speck. No, I'm-I'm less than a speck. I'm nothing but, uh... I'm a scuzz.
- Homer: But-but kids' sports was over!
- Marge: It's great father-son bonding.
- Homer: No. It's me driving while Bart looks at his phone. Then it's Bart playing while I look at my phone. Then me driving home while we both look at our phones. That's what kids' sports is.
- Moe: Now, you all know the game plan.
- Milhouse Van Houten: We suck except Bart, so give him the stupid puck and then shut our stupid mouths, you stupid pukes.
- Moe: Yeah, good job, uh, kid who ain't Bart.
- Moe: People look at scuzzes like us like we got the plague. Which, when I did, it weren't even bubonic.
- Referee: As I've been screaming for the last 15 minutes, all players must be wearing skates.
- Moe: Oh, come on. There's no way that that... Oh, there it is. Rule number one: "No cafeteria trays."
- Moe: Hey, sorry I'm late. I couldn't unlock the Maps app. [chuckles] My phone don't recognize my face as a face.
- Chief Wiggum: I told Sarah when we got married, "I am a foot guy." Please guess the one part of the body she just doesn't moisturize? Seriously, guess. Guess!
- Moe: And who the hell is texting me? "Estee Dionne Malip?" Uh, does anybody know what this, uh, "Estee Dionne Malip" is about? Hey, I'm dealing with an Estee Dionne Malip? Anybody? I don't even know who the hell I got this from. [groans] I'm just gonna send it to my junk.
- Fat Tony: Nelson Muntz. Your reputation precedes you.
- Nelson Muntz: I hear you're a dingus to be respected. I'm just a fist with no code. Figure I'll be working for you sooner or later, so why not get it over with?
- Louie: Sometimes, boss, I think you only see me as a knife. Did you know I got dreams? I want to open a gourmet mac and cheese place called Louie's Gooey.
- Legs: And I'm learning Swedish on a phone app. But I'm just a gun to you.
- [Legs, Louie, and Johnny Tightlips start crying]
- Fat Tony: Freaking millennials.
