Hostile Kirk Place/Quotes
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- Principal Skinner: Dear God, to mitigate the smell of emulsified eggs and vinegar, we'll have to close the school for weeks.
- Kids: Yay! Awesome. That's great! All right!
- Principal Skinner: You clearly misheard me. I said the school will be closed.
- Nelson Muntz: And we said, "woo-hoo," "awesome," and "that's great."
- Announcer: You're watching SportsCenter Classic. Stay tuned for more exciting baseball scores from 1986.
- Homer: 1986. I was two years old then. Or was I 30?
- Kirk Van Houten: Okay, so, if I have $500 in the bank, and your mother wants to take two-thirds of it to buy a purse, when her old purse is just fine...
- Luann Van Houten: You? $500 in the bank? What are you teaching him, science fiction?
- Kirk: No, real fiction, Luann. It's real fiction.
- Milhouse Van Houten: So, the Van Houtens have always been losers.
- Kirk: Not true, son. Hey, your granddad once prepared a Caesar salad for Dean Martin, right at the table.
- Homer: Shaq, you suckered me again.
- Moe Szyslak: Hey, hey, hey. I will not have you badmouthing Shaquille Rashaun O'Neal. Four-time NBA champ, rapper, actor, sheriff, restaurateur, black belt in Shaq-Fu, Shaq belt in kung fu, and now the Big Aristotle dominates the late-night airwaves. He is living proof that anybody can make their dreams come true.
- Kirk: I'm here to officially protest the teaching of the Great Springfield Gazebo Disaster. It makes our children hate our town and me hate myself.
- Superintendent Chalmers: For 30 years, we've been pleading with parents to get more involved. What the hell were we thinking?
- Gloria Prince: It's essential that all of Springfield's darkest chapters be taught. The monorail, Lady Gaga's visit, and the gazebo collapse. If our kids aren't made to feel ashamed of the past, how will they learn to be ashamed of the future?
- Rainier Wolfcastle: I agree with the bald lady. Why does history have to be hurtful? Every book about World War II makes the Germans the bad guys.
- Bart: Wow, Dad, way to milk the rage-bucks out of the red hat crowd.
- Lisa: You're pitting people against each other.
- Homer: Lisa, that's what the T-shirt industry has always done, ever since "I'm With Stupid." Now, Daddy's just giving "stupid" a chance to respond.
- Marge: You said you'd only burn half the books.
- Kirk: Half? No way. This is all part of my plan to turn eyesores into pride-sores.
- Kirk: It's time to rock out with your Kirk out.
