Homer's Crossing/Quotes
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- Superintendent Chalmers: So, since Otto has disappeared with our bus, and our brownie pans, parents will have to drive their own children to school.
- [parents complain]
- Principal Skinner: Well, fewer of you would have to drive if you sat down and arranged a carpool schedule.
- [parents complain harder]
- Marge: Homer, you just volunteered.
- Homer: Dear god. No. Stop. Yield.
- Gil Gunderson: Well, he's got the lingo down. This guy's a natural.
- Homer: Are you guys saying I've never kept anyone safe?
- Carl Carlson: Oh, sure you have, Homer. Just... By not doing anything.
- Marge: Uh, sweetie? It seems like your lightsaber doesn't want to go "shwoom." Did you go "Han Solo" earlier tonight?
- Milhouse Van Houten: What do you guys think happened to Otto?
- Nelson Muntz: Jail.
- Bart: Jail.
- Lisa: Jail.
- Martin Prince: Maybe he just got tired of always running from the darkness.
- Homer: Stupid kids. Without me, they'd be stuck on one side of the street for the rest of their lives.
- Kent Brockman: The last two endangered pandas on Earth died today in what zoo investigators are calling a grisly murder-suicide. Adios, pandas. We'll see you at the crossroads.
- Bart: The only people that wear badges are power-hungry chumps who want to keep the little guy down.
- Lisa: Are you talking about that security guard at the supermarket?
- Bart: I wasn't trying to break the gumball machine. I was just trying to shake out a purple.
- Homer: All right, rookies. Not all of you are going to make it through training. Look to your left, now look to your right. That's how you know if a car is coming. That concludes your training.
- Principal Skinner: Now, uh, I'm not telling you how to do your job...
- Homer: Are you telling me how to do my job?
- Principal Skinner: No, I specifically said I'm not telling you how to do your job.
- Mrs. Muntz: That's enough, principal what's-ya-face.
- Homer: Oh, you're charging me, Francine? Even though I keep your kids safe every morning? Aiden? Charlotte? Nearsighted Nicholas?
- Francine: Oh, I'm sorry. It's on the house. Thank you for your service, hero. [to Bart and Lisa] I don't even have kids, but this guy scares me.
