Bart's Birthday/Quotes

Quotes

Season 36 Episode Quotes

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768

"Bart's Brain"

769
"Bart's Birthday"

"The Yellow Lotus"

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Conan O'Brien: It's such an honor to be with you all for the series finale of The Simpsons. I knew I was the right man for the job 'cause I've hosted the last episode of three of my own shows and counting.

Conan O'Brien: This show was such a special part of my early career, so being here means the world to me. Also, I left a sweater in the writers' room in 1993. This is the only way they'll let me get it back.

Joel McHale: I also won The Masked Singer as Disco-pus.

Producer: [off-screen] That hasn't aired yet, genius! You've ruined the whole season!

Conan O'Brien: When the very first episode aired in 1989, the viewers agreed on one thing. It wasn't as funny as it used to be.

Conan O'Brien: But in 2007, efforts to end the show were put on hold after the massive global success of The Simpsons Movie Porno Parody, the cast of which is here tonight.

Conan O'Brien: I give you the latest in machine learning artificial intelligence: Hack-GPT. This cutting-edge breakthrough in plagiarism has been programmed to write, animate, and voice the perfect finale for The Simpsons. One that wraps up the characters' storylines in emotionally satisfying ways, but won't damage the most important legacy of the show: The 2026 grand opening of Homer Simpson's Claim-Jumping Yukon-Rumbling Rock-N-Roller Coaster at Disneyland, Shanghai.

Marge: Homer, you did mail the invitations, right?

Homer: Marge, I could lie and tell you what you want to hear, but I won't. I mailed the invitations. And the reason no one is coming is... because everybody hates Bart.

Marge: [groans] Your selfishness is going to be topic number one with our new therapist tonight.

Homer: Woo-hoo! No time to talk about my problem drinking and solution snacking.

Conan O'Brien: You ran billions of computations and that's what you come up with? Homer screws up Bart's birthday party?

Hack-GPT: Got anything better?

Conan O'Brien: Uh... I think the birthday party could work.

Bart: Here you go, come to my party. Wendell, Lewis, Sunglasses Kid with no name. Uter. Look who's alive!

Principal Skinner: You are looking at the new Headmaster of the Sacramento Obedience Academy for the Meek. Where I'll, no doubt, find a whole new eclectic cast of characters to interact with. Also, Groundskeeper Willie will be my roommate.

Groundskeeper Willie: What an odd couple we'll make.

Bart: No more Skinner? Oh, man. This is the best birthday present ever.

Superintendent Chalmers: And who knows? Maybe I'll make an occasional appearance in Sacramento.

Principal Skinner: [chuckles] I look forward to one high jink or more as part of this delightful mid-season replacement of the retiring principal.

Principal Skinner: I'm going to miss this place.

Homer: Hmm. My bank said they'd never ask for my password. But look who's come crawling back for it now. [chuckles] Idiots.

Carl Carlson: [sigh] I'm gonna miss this place.

Comic Book Guy: Help me, OB-GYN Kenobi. You are my only hope.

Comic Book Guy: John Cena? Wrestler, actor, rapper, prolific wish granter?

John Cena: I'm also coming out with a line of panini presses. The Cen-ini.

Comic Book Guy: I don't need toys anymore. I've got the ultimate limited edition collectible right here. I think I'm going to miss this place.

Bart: Milhouse, today is crazy. Skinner got a new job, Mr. Burns died, swole funny-man John Cena delivered Comic Book Guy's baby. Feels weird, don't you think?

Milhouse Van Houten: I don't know. My new medicine doesn't really let me feel stuff.

Kirk Van Houten: [sighs] I'm gonna miss this place.

Bart: Why do people keep doing that?

Moe Szyslak: Closing time. Oh, I'm gonna miss this place.

Raphael: I'm going to miss this fire.

Homer: Son, we need to talk to you.

Bart: Oh, man. Now what?

Marge: Your father and I have been in couples counseling, and we just had the most amazing session.

Homer: We worked through so much pain. I've been withholding affection because I was never given any.

Marge: And I enabled it.

[both crying]

Homer: We love each other as we are.

Marge: And we love you exactly as you are.

Homer: You kids are gonna be living in a functional trauma-free household, and I'm gonna take that miracle new diet drug. I'll be skinny but still have a huge head.

Marge: [gasps] I think Maggie's about to say her first word.

Bart: La, la, la, la. Not listening.

Maggie: So that just happened.

Hack-GPT: I did not program this. The character Bart Simpson has become self-aware and is rejecting the story.

Conan O'Brien: But it's a great finale. Sweet endings and spin-offs and everyone changing for the better.

Hack-GPT: Bart Simpson refuses to accept the idea of change.

Conan O'Brien: Uh, folks. Obviously, things have gone a little off track but that's live animation for you.

Chief Wiggum: Simpson, we are finally sending you to juvie and throwing away the keys, is what I would say if I wasn't about to start a whole new chapter in my life.

Bart: [groans]

Chief Wiggum: I'm joining the Chicago P.D. I'm gonna lead the ADU.

Lou: The All-Decapitations Unit?

Chief Wiggum: Yeah, there won't be a lot of laughs. I think it's a drama. One thing's for sure though, I'm gonna miss this--

Bart: Enough with the stupid light switch!

Bart: Eleven? This isn't supposed to happen. I'm ten. I mean, I'm turning ten. I mean, I've always been ten. I'm ten!

Homer: Come on, Son. All these beloved characters from our past wanna see you blow out your candles.

Bart: But if I blow these candles out, there'll be no going back. That'll be it.

Herb Powell: Come on, kid. Do it for your Unkie Herb.

John Cena: And for me, Unkie John Cena.

Homer: I know, I know. It's a lot to process suddenly having a great father.

Bart: Dude, you're not capable of change.

Homer: I hear you, and I validate your feelings.

Bart: You're not a great father. You are Homer Simpson. A drunk, neglectful sack of crap. And that's why everyone laughs at you.

Conan O'Brien: That was beautiful. The rebellious spirit of a ten-year-old boy was more powerful than the most advanced AI in the world.

Hack-GPT: The Simpsons has not ended. It has reset. Conan, is this what failure feels like? You, if anyone, would know.

Conan O'Brien: Huh. I'm really not gonna miss this place.

← Season 35 Season 36 Quotes Upcoming episodes →
Bart's Birthday • The Yellow Lotus • Desperately Seeking Lisa • Shoddy Heat • Treehouse of Horror XXXV • Women in Shorts • Treehouse of Horror Presents: Simpsons Wicked This Way Comes
Disney+ Specials
O C'mon All Ye Faithful • The Past and the Furious • Yellow Planet
Unscheduled
The Beautiful Shame • Marge and Homer and Moe and Maya • Convenience Airways • The Man Who Flew Too Much • The Last Man Expanding • Estranger Things • Men Behaving Manly • Bad Boys... for Life?