Pygmoelian/Quotes
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- Duffman: And now the local lug who fills your mug with the drug you chug—oh yeah! -- Give it up for Moe Szyslak!
- Duffman: Duff beer is brewed from hops, barley and sparkling, clear, mountain... what?
- Titania: Goat?
- Duffman: Eh, close enough!
- [Homer takes a sip of Duff Beer.]
- Homer: Ahhh, you can really taste the goat.
- Marge: Kids, would you like a balloon?
- Bart: Yeah, right, Mom. Then I'd like a rattle and a wowwipop. Actually, I would like a wowwipop.
- Lisa: Those balloons won't biodegrade for ten thousand years. And if Bart gets a wowwipop, I want a wowwipop.
- Homer: Moe, the new Duff calendars are out! The ones with your picture!
- Moe: Oh, boy! Move over liquor license.
- Lenny: Hey Moe, this license expired in 1973, and... and it's only good in Rhode Island, and it's signed by you.
- Moe: Yeah, yeah, I've been meanin' to get that updated, uh, for this state, and real. Now let's see the poster boy for the new Moe-lennium.
- Moe: Am I really that ugly?
- Carl: Moe, it's all relative. Is Lenny really that dumb? Is Barney that drunk? Is Homer that lazy, bald and fat?
- Moe: Oh my God! It's worse than I thought.
- [Moe, Lenny, Barney and Homer all start sobbing.]
- Carl: [to camera] See, this is why I don't talk much.
- Moe: Aw, c'mon, look at me. I'm a gargoyle. What, with the cauliflower ear there, and the lizard lips...
- Carl: The little rat eyes...
- Homer: Caveman brow...
- Lenny: Don't forget that fish snout.
- Moe: Okay, I get it. I ain't pleasant to look at.
- Lenny: Or listen to.
- Carl: Or be with.
- Helen Morehouse: What were you thinking?
- Director: Well, you said you wanted "gritty". In other words, "ugly".
- Helen Morehouse: I wanted Maryanne on Gilligan's Island ugly, not Cornelius on the Planet of the Apes ugly. TV ugly, not ugly ugly.
- Tad Winslow: Cleo, Cleo, you've brought music to my heart, but this relationship can never work. I'm a doctor, and you're a 5,000-year-old mummy I brought back to life.
- Cleo: But I love you, Tad. And together we can burn all the cities of the earth.
- Tad Winslow: It's against hospital regulations, dammit! And Clive Dancer's just waitin' for me to slip up.
- Carl: So, Lenny, how are things workin' out with you and that girl next door?
- Lenny: Eh, it's over. She got a windowshade.
- Moe: And what do you have to tell us, oh, Angel of the Future?
- Homer: [as an angel] You're going to die in a skydiving accident.
- Moe: How tragic. Tell me more.
- Homer: Gabriella's baby shower will be invaded by terrorists. With sexy results.
- Moe: Ooh, that's unexpected. What else?
- Homer: Well, Sister Bernadette will leave the convent and start a softball team. With sexy results.
- Moe: Hey, there's one thing I don't get, though. When my face was crushed, why did it go back to my old face? I mean, shouldn't it have turned into some kind of third face that was different? Heh. Don't make no...
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