One Flu Over Springfield
| One Flu Over Springfield
| Comic Story information
- "Ever wonder how a pesky flu bug can spread so quickly from one person to another?"
- ―Dr. Hibbert
In an introductory frame, Dr. Hibbert describes the story as an example of "how a little carelessness leads to a lot of misery". The story begins in the Kwik-E-Mart, where an obviously ill man approaches the counter to buy some flu medication. Apu, seeing the man sneezing on his wallet and on the box of medication, refuses to accept his "disease-tinged currency", leaving him at a loss for how to pay. Just then, Snake bursts into the store, steals the man's wallet and the medication he was going to buy, and runs off.
When Snake gets to his car, he takes a deep sniff of the man's wallet, exulting in "the sweet smell of illegally gotten gains". He hears the siren of an approaching Springfield Police car, jumps into his own car, and drives off at high speed. Very soon, however, Snake feels ill and sneezes on the steering wheel, coating it with phlegm. He then loses control of his car and crashes into a snowbank. Uninjured, Snake gets out of the car and flees on foot.
Chief Wiggum and Lou arrive at the scene of Snake's crashed car. Lou sees footprints in the snow and wants to continue the pursuit. Wiggum, however, spots the phlegm on the steering wheel and, rather than carry out a foot chase in the snow and cold, decides to collect a sample for DNA analysis to identify and apprehend the suspect. Wiggum scoops up some phlegm with his bare hand and places it into a Petri dish.
Later, Wiggum goes home early from work, not feeling well. He puts his car keys, several bullets, and the Petri dish into a bowl and announces he's going to lie down for a while before dinner. Ralph spots the Petri dish and thinks it's "Daddy's stink breath candy". He opens the dish, puts his hand in and finds the phlegm. Ralph is disappointed that it's not candy, but perks up when he decides it's paste and realizes that he has a use for it.
That evening, Ralph is at the Simpson home where he and Lisa are working on a diorama for a school project. Lisa is using her bare fingers and the Petri dish "paste" to stick things into place in the diorama, and comments that it doesn't feel like paste. Ralph puts some into his mouth, smearing his lips with it in the process, and says that it doesn't taste like paste, either. Lisa, disgusted, tells Ralph to go wash his face. On his way to the bathroom, Ralph meets Santa's Little Helper and says, "Hey, boy, I bet you can help me get this stuff off!" SLH enthusiastically licks Ralph's face and gets all of the "paste" off. Downstairs, the doorbell rings, and SLH runs off toward the stairs and the front door.
At the front door, Moe has arrived to babysit Maggie, as Homer and Marge are going out for a date night. Moe holds his arms out to Maggie for a hug, but Santa's Little Helper comes bounding down the stairs, jumps into his arms, and licks him all over the face. Moe chuckles, sets SLH down on the floor, takes Maggie from Marge, and gives Maggie a kiss. Homer and Marge then leave for their date night, and Marge gives Maggie a kiss on her way out the door.
The next morning, Bart is shocked to see that the rest of the family are all sick. He decides to make a quick run out the door and nearly pulls it off without a hitch, until he sees an also-ill Santa's Little Helper chewing on his mittens. Bart tries and fails to take the mittens away from SLH, coating his hands with drool. Hearing the school bus honking outside, Bart decides to just blow on his hands to keep them warm and runs out the door to catch the bus.
Over the course of the school day:
- Bart and Milhouse exchange a high five greeting.
- In the cafeteria line, Milhouse handles several pieces of fruit before deciding which one to take.
- Principal Skinner eats one of the apples that Milhouse touched.
- After lunch, Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel kiss during a make-out session in the teachers' lounge.
- Mrs. Krabappel coughs as she hands out graded quizzes to the class, and both she and Bart look unwell.
By the end of the school day, Bart's entire class have red noses and sniffles. During the next several hours:
- At the Kwik-E-Mart, Apu catches Nelson Muntz drinking green Squishee straight from the machine. Mayor Quimby looks on in shock.
- Quimby sips a green Squishee at an event for his re-election campaign and shakes hands with his supporters, among them Rev. Lovejoy.
- At the First Church of Springfield, Lovejoy serves Holy Communion, placing the bread directly onto parishioners' tongues.
The next morning, Dr. Hibbert arrives at Springfield General Hospital to begin his workday and is aghast at the sight of his waiting room filled with sick people. He exclaims, "My goodness, every one of my patients must have caught this bug!" His nurse says, "Almost. There's one person who cancelled his appointment this morning to leave town before he caught the flu, too!"
The scene shifts to Shelbyville International Airport, where Comic Book Guy is waiting in line to board a plane. As he shows his ticket to the gate agent, he says, "I drove all the way here to ensure I didn't have to breathe any more of that flu-infested Springfield air!" After boarding the plane, CBG looks for his seat, calling out the seat number. Another passenger says, "Right next to me."
Comic Book Guy sits down and shakes hands with his red-nosed and sniffley seatmate, who, unbeknownst to CBG, is the Kwik-E-Mart customer whose wallet was stolen by Snake. They shake hands, and CBG says, "I'll try to refrain from reciting dialogue from the Doctor Who episodes I'll be watching during our flight!" His seatmate replies that it won't be a problem: "I'll be zonked out on my flu meds before we even take off." As the announcement comes over the intercom that the plane will be taking off shortly, Comic Book Guy realizes what has just happened and sardonically intones, "Worst...ironic ending...ever."
The Simpsons Annual 2012
|A Simpleton Plan • Freezer Burns • One Flu Over Springfield • The Simpson Family Christmas Cards • Getting There is Half the Battle • It's a Wonderful Slice • The Sno-Bliterator! • That's SO glavin!|