Murder, She Boat/Quotes
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- Marge: Stimulus checks? We were supposed to cash these during the pandemic. Should we spend the money now or wait for the next one?
- Homer: I see what you're doing—Celebrating outcast culture that used to be on the fringes—And I don't like it! You nerds stop playing dress-up or else I'm gonna wedgie you, and swirly you, and purple your nurples until they--
- Comic Book Guy: Behold, I have brought the jewel of my collectible collection. The rarest treasure in all of geekdom: A Radioactive Man action figure accidentally manufactured with Wolverine claws. Gaze upon it and lose your mind.
- Dr. Hibbert: Only two of those defective toys were made before they caught the mistake.
- Bernice Hibbert: This you remember, but every year, our anniversary evades you.
- Lisa: Taika, why are you eating all by yourself?
- Taika Waititi: To maintain energy for all my writing, directing, acting, and rakish smirking. Plus, it's in my cruise rider. I also get a cabin facing the sunrise and the sunset, unlimited Vegemite, and the top tier of any seafood tower.
- Sideshow Mel: I wager Bart Simpson did this. He had the motive, means and he's a notorious stinker.
- Homer: I can't believe you ruined my dream cruise.
- Bart: You hate this cruise.
- Homer: No, I hate the theme and the people and the boat. But I love the food.
- Comic Book Guy: Hi. Excuse me, but I will take this, uh, non-priceless, completely valueless garbage off of your hands for, uh, $11.
- Kirk Van Houten: Huh?
- Milhouse Van Houten: But, dad, I think it might be worth a lot more.
- Kirk: Who cares, Milhouse? This is two $5 footlongs and a weird cookie. Hey, Luann, anniversary dinner is back on, baby.
- Lisa: But Mel, would your bone-trembling anger lead you to destroy Comic Book Guy's most prized possession?
- Sideshow Mel: It would! But it didn't. But it could! And if I did, I would lie about it to you now! But I'm not. But I would!
- Kumiko Albertson: When I first met Comic Book Guy, I was his priceless collectible. But now, when we make love, my husband calls out the doll's serial number.
- Marge: Oh, sweetie, you've just learned one of life's hardest lessons. Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, they're just going to let you down.
- Homer: For your mother, it's me.
- Taika Waititi: You can't just tear my cabin apart! You need a warrant!
- Chief Wiggum: No, we don't. We're in international waters.
- Taika Waititi: We're in the middle of Lake Springfield. I can see the Lard Lad statue from here.
