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Holidays of Future Passed/Quotes

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Season 23 Episode Quotes
494 "The Ten-Per-Cent Solution"
495
"Holidays of Future Passed"
"Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson" 496


Principal Skinner: You're two weeks late on the rent, Bart. Not to mention that geography report from 30 years ago.
Bart: Don't worry. I've got some buyers coming over to look at my good kidney. They grow back, right?
Skinner: Just get me that rent, or you'll be expelled.
Bart: You mean evicted?
Skinner: Mhmm.

Bart: [thinking] Hahaha. I'll just dump them at my mom's.
Skippy Simpson: You know, we can hear thoughts now!
Bart: Dammit!

Milhouse Van Houten: Lis, I'm afraid my seasonal allergies are kicking in.
Lisa: Aww. You poor thing. This is a tough time of year for someone who's allergic to holly, mistletoe, the red part of candy canes...
Milhouse: I can't believe we put a man on the sun, but we can't stop my sneezing! [sneezes]

Homer: Oh, Marge, how would you like some future sex?
Marge: Why do you say future? This is now.
Homer: I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.

Homer: Hey, I've got a B-Mail, too! You have won a valuable prize. Open now.
Marge: Don't open it, Homie. It's a virus.
Homer: Too late. I- [starts to fit]

Bart: I can't believe she got married, and I have no one. It's so hard to find somebody new.
Ned Flanders: Sure is. That's why after Homer accidentally killed Edna, I married Maude's ghost.
Maude's ghost: There is no God, Neddy. It's just an empty, meaningless void.
Ned: Hehe. Isn't she pretty?

Marge: And now Patty and Selma are here to help us decorate with their new Lovebots.
Selma Bouvier: [to her Lovebot] Make me a bloody Mary, dollface.
Selma's Lovebot: No, Selma. Even a robot built, only to love you, can not love you. I am leaving with your sister's Compudroid.

[Bart gets pulled over by a police car]
Bart: Naww. It's Chief Wiggum.
Ralph Wiggum: Hi, Bart!
Bart: Hey, Ralph. I heard you died.
Ralph: I got cloneded. [Ralph shoots himself in the head]
Ralph clone 1: All right, buddy, what's the hurry?
[Bart drives off. A lorry hits the Ralph clone]
Ralph clone 2: Heh. That Ralph was stupid.
[the lorry crashes into a building. Several Ralph clones fall out the back on fire]
Ralph clones: [screams of pain]

[Bart enters Moe's Tavern]
Bart: Wow. This place hasn't changed a bit.
Moe Szyslak: Yeah, I keep meaning to switch things around, but this place is always a crime scene.
Bart: Was my dad here?
Moe: Ah, yes. Since he don't drink, he just comes here to see Lenny and Carl.
Bart: [to Lenny's body] Hey, Lenny.
Carl Carlson: [in Lenny's body] I'm Carl.
Lenny Leonard: [in Carl's body] Don't you remember, you came to the brain switching ceremony.
Bart: Right, what was the point again?
Lenny: Because I wanted to get back together with my wife who was sleeping with Carl at the time.
Carl: Turns out she had switched brains with a monkey on a Japanese game show, and it just got weirder from there.
Lenny: Ah, I found it quite normal. Anyway, if you're looking for your dad, he took the kids to see his dad.
Bart: Thanks.
Carl: Hey, Moe, get me another beer.
Lenny: Quit making me fat!

Homer: He froze himself because he was sick and there was no cure.
Jiff Simpson: Are they working on one?
Homer: Oh, they found one. But don't tell him. This is way cheaper than a nursing home.

Homer: Dad, these are your great grandsons.
Grampa: Ehh. I don't see what's so great about them. And, Homer, you're still a big disappointment because-
Homer: See you next Christmas. [Homer re-freezes Grampa]

Homer: Everyone thinks their dad's a jerk. And everyone's right. But, when you get older, you realize how much you love them. Your dad may be a little bit immature, but I know he loves you. So, you ought to give him a chance.
Bart: Boys, I've acted like a ten year old for the last thirty years and I swear to you, I will grow up and act like a twenty year old, the way a divorced forty year old should.
Bart's youngest child: You're gonna have to do better than that.
Bart: Boys, I'm a deadbeat dad, I live in a school, it's Christmas. The only thing worth anything in my life is you.
Bart's eldest child: Oh, dad.
Bart's youngest child: You've taught us the meaning of Christmas. Which schools are forbidden to tell us anymore.

[Lisa enters Zia's Ultranet room]
Zia Simpson: Mom? Why are you here?
[Zia emerges from the Online Chemistry Midterm vial]
Lisa: I was worried. I thought I would find--
Zia: What, me flashing my boobs on unripemelons.com?
Lisa: What? No. It doesn't matter what I thought. I'm sorry I spied on you. But what I found is, my daughter looks up to me.
Zia: Well, of course I do. I look up to both my parents.
[Milhouse appears]
Milhouse: Could somebody FedEx me a prayer mat? And quick! [disappears]
Zia: But I especially look up to you. [She and Lisa hug, then a door opens; a party is going on and Zia closes the door]
Season 23 Quotes
The Falcon and the D'ohman Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts Treehouse of Horror XXII Replaceable You The Food Wife The Book Job The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants The Ten-Per-Cent Solution Holidays of Future Passed Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson The D'oh-cial Network Moe Goes from Rags to Riches The Daughter Also Rises At Long Last Leave Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart‎ How I Wet Your Mother Them, Robot Beware My Cheating Bart‎ A Totally Fun Thing Bart Will Never Do Again The Spy Who Learned Me Ned 'n Edna's Blend Agenda Lisa Goes Gaga