The Food Wife/Quotes
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- Marge: ... And here's a marble for Lisa for cleaning her room, and a marble for Bart for not trashing Lisa's room.
- Homer: Is there any better feeling than cutting in line because a plastic badge says you're special?
- Bart: Whoa! Guts of War II: Entrails of Intestinox! Colon smash! Rectum kill!
- Game developer: We've made a game that'll reward the hardcore gamer with hundreds and hundreds of hours of--
- Bart: Finished it.
- Game developer: Huh? But, working on this game cost me my marriage! I, I have twins I've never met!
- Bart: Well when you meet them, tell them your game's too easy.
- Marge: How come they never call me "Fun Mom?"
- Homer: Look, honey, a family's like a team. And on every team you have the slam-dunking megastar and... the referee.
- Marge: What if... We roll pennies and go to the dollar store!
- Homer: That's good, Marge—get all the terrible ideas out of your system.
- Ned Flanders: Welcome to the "Cross" Games, Simpsons! A Christian fellowship expo!
- Lisa: Are there at least games here?
- Ned: Oh no, "Games" stands for Gathering of American Messengers for Evangelical Sports!
- Bart: [hopeful] Sports?
- Ned: "Sports" stands for Strict Parental Oversight Rather Than Sports!
- Marge: Come on kids, fun comes from inside—it isn't about what we actually do.
- Lisa: Yes it is! That's all it is!
- Marge: I'm sorry, gang. I blew it.
- Bart: I hate it when grown-ups call kids "gang."
- Lisa: Don't worry about it, Mom. Dad will take us on a great outing next weekend.
- Marge: Why do old squirrels always crawl into my engine to die? Guess we'll be making an unscheduled pit stop, gang.
- Bart: We're not a gang! Gangs are cool!
- Marge: They're using pancakes as spoons! Ooo, let's see what else they do wrong!
- Comic Book Guy: Our passion is to seek out interesting foods, savor their exotic flavors, then blog about them.
- Fois Garth: We discovered Korean barbeque.
- Lisa: Uhh... before the Koreans?
- Amuse Bruce: Oh sure they cook it, but they don't "get" it.
- Homer: Marge, the kids are acting ethnic!
- Lisa: People are loving our list of Springfield's top ninety-nine Afghan restaurants.
- Bart: I feel bad for all those places that didn't make the cut.
- Homer: All right, food nerds, reality check... All the food in those pictures is poop by now. Minds blown, you're welcome.
- Homer: Fine. Blow off "Fun Dad," go eat your walrus mustaches and deep-fried pixie wangs.
- Marge: What are you doing?
- Homer: When I'm sad, I make baseball bats.
- Marge: Homie, I don't want you to feel excluded. Would you like to come with us to dinner at El Chemistri?
- Homer: Really? You'd let me in on your thing? Even though I think it's stupid?
- Marge: Of course.
- Homer: Hand me that saw, Marge!
- Marge: Why?
- Homer: When I'm happy, I make birdhouses!
- Anthony Bourdain: I'm food bad-boy Tony Bourdain. There's nowhere I won't go and nothing I won't eat—as long as I'm paid in emeralds and my hotel room has a bidet that shoots warm champagne.
- Gordon Ramsay: You [BLEEP]-ed it up, big blue, didn't you? Why did you invite Homer? He stole your bloody thunder! You're not as [BLEEP]-ing fun as him, and you never will be! Darling, darling, crying's not fun! Homer's fun! Now get out of my dream!
- Marge: It's my dream!
- Gordon Ramsay: Not any more it's not! Ramsay awake!
- Bart: Relax—Dad will be the life of the party. He'll be the fourth Mouth-keteer.
- Marge: But there weren't Four Musketeers...
- Lisa: Yeah-huh: Athos, Porthos, Aramis and D'Artagnan.
- Marge: D'Artagnan wasn't a musketeer! He only had a letter of introduction to the captain of the guards—which he lost!
- El Chemistri chef: Welcome to El Chemistri. Please place these mints in your mouth. And when your table's ready, they will vibrate.
- Homer: [on phone] Marge! This isn't a food restaurant! It's a meth restaurant! A meth-taurant!
- Homer: Oh Marge, you saved me from the danger you put me in... I am so happy and angry.
