Difference between revisions of "I Love Lisa/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 10:51, January 26, 2024

Ralph: The doctor said I wouldn't have any nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there!

Ralph: I Choo-Choo-Choose you.

Moe: [reads his valentine] "To Moe. From your secret admirer."

Barney: Yoo hoo!

Moe: Oh God, no!

[Barney blows a kiss and belches]

Guy: Where do you want these beef hearts?

Lunchlady Doris: On the floor.

Guy: It doesn't look very clean.

Lunchlady Doris: Just do your job, heart boy.

[The man drops the hearts from the truck to the floor]

Groundskeeper Willie: I didn't cry when me own father was hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now.

Lisa: Ralph thinks I like him but I only gave him a valentine because I felt sorry for him.

Homer: Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?

Homer: You know, one day honest citizens are going to stand up to you crooked cops.

Chief Wiggum: They are!? Oh no! Ha-have they set a date?

Ralph: [to Lisa] Uh... so... do you like... stuff?

Ralph: My parents won't let me use scissors. [kids laugh at him]

Miss Hoover: The children have a right to laugh at you, Ralph. These things couldn't cut butter. Now, take out your red crayons.

Ralph: Miss Hoover. I don't have a red crayon.

Miss Hoover: Why not?

Ralph: I ate it.

Grampa: Bah, this is just another Hallmark holiday cooked up to sell cards.

Jasper: Aww... a Valentine from my daughter!

Grampa: Can I have the envelope?

Miss Hoover: You may now exchange Valentines.

Ralph: Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder.

Ms. Hoover: First, we're going to construct paper mailboxes to store the valentines.

Lisa: Isn't that just pointless busy-work?

Ms. Hoover: [taps her nose] Bull's-eye. Get cracking.

Principal Skinner: Attention everyone, this is Principal Skinner. Some student (possibly Bart Simpson) has been circulating candy hearts with crude off-color sentiments.

Krusty: Hey, kids! Don't forget to watch my 29th Anniversary Show, featuring clips like this one of Sideshow Mel wacked out on wowie-sauce!

[About Krusty's 29th Anniversary Show]

Bart: I'd give anything to go to that show!

Homer: I'd sell my first-born son!

Bart: Hey!

Homer: You'll do as you're told!

Lisa: What do you say to a boy to let him know you're not interested?

Marge: Well, honey, when I...

Homer: [puts up a hand] Let me handle this, Marge, I've heard 'em all. I like you as a friend... I think we should see other people... I no speak English...

Lisa: I get the idea.

Homer: I'm married to the sea... I don't want to kill you, but I will.

Homer: Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

Lisa: [when Ralph shows up at the Simpson house] Just make up some excuse! [runs to hide]

Homer: [answering the door] She's in the can. Go away.

Bart: Oh it isn't fair. I'm ten times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty home pregnancy test!

Lisa: I'm not sure if I should go. I don't even like him.

Bart: You're right, Lis, you shouldn't go. It wouldn't be honest. I'll go, disguised as you.

Lisa: What if he wants to hold hands?

Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.

Lisa: What if he wants a kiss?

Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.

Lisa: What if he...?

Bart: You don't want to know how far I'll go.

Lisa: Dad, is it all right to take things from people you don't like?

Homer: Sure it is, honey. You do mean stealing, don't you?

Lisa: That story isn't suitable for children.

Chief Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.

Principal Skinner: Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a wonderful evening of theater and picking up after yourselves.

Miss Hoover: Bart, do you want to play John Wilkes Booth, or do you want to act like a maniac?

Ralph: Leave me alone. I'm here to play George Washington.

Bart: [after Miss Hoover carries him offstage] Unhand me, Yankee!

Ralph: [reads Lisa's card] "Let's 'bee' friends." It says, "bee" and it has a picture of a bee on it. [laughs]