  
New Kid on the Block/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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067
"New Kid on the Block"
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- Sylvia Winfield: Mr. Simpson, my husband and I have decided to move...
- Homer: Gonna run out the clock in Florida, eh?
- Mrs. Winfield: Yes, well, there's a few things you could do to help us sell our home. First, whenever you walk in front of your window could you please wear pants?
- Homer: Mmm... no.
- Mrs. Winfield: Second, could you please take in your jack-o-lanterns from past Halloweens.
- Homer: Mmm... no.
- Mrs. Winfield: And please cover your garbage. It's attracting wildlife.
- Homer: Wha... hey, moose! Shoo! Go! Talkin' to you! Get off my lawn! Now!
- Marge: That medicine's not for you.
- Homer: Come on, Marge. Maybe I'm not getting enough... [reads bottle] estrogen.
- Homer: Marge, we're going to that restaurant.
- Marge: But I think I'm allergic to seafood. The last time I ate shrimp, my throat closed up and I went into convulsions.
- Homer: Mmm... shrimp.
- Bart: Who are you?
- Laura Powers: I'm Laura - your new neighbor. You all right?
- Bart: [thinking] She's beautiful. Say somethin' clever. [out loud] I fell on my bottom. [thinking] D'oh!
- Ruth Powers: I actually had some doubts about moving to Springfield. Especially after that Time cover story, "America's Worst City."
- Marge: You could see our house in that photo.
- Ruth: Oh.
- Homer: [on the phone] Hello, I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
- Abbie's sister: Sorry, this isn't Abbie, this is her sister. I look after her now.
- Abbie: No, Bart, put it down. Put it down, Bart. Bart, put it down...
- Homer: Oh, uh... and there was something else. Something I was supposed to tiptoe around...
- Ruth: My divorce.
- Homer: That's it! Whew, I'm glad one of us remembered. That could have been embarrassing.
- Lisa: Bart, are you taking a bath?
- Bart: Yes I am. And it would be nice to have a little privacy around here for a change.
- Lisa: This wouldn't have anything to do with Laura coming over, would it?
- Bart: Hey, sometimes a guy just likes his skin to look its yellowest.
- Waiter: I'm sorry, ma'am, but everything on the menu has fish in it.
- Marge: Hm, what about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
- Waiter: Yes.
- Waiter: That man ate all our shrimp and two plastic lobsters!
- Sea Captain: 'Tis no man. 'Tis a remorseless eating machine. Arrrr...
- Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film The NeverEnding Story.
- Homer: So you think I have a case?
- Lionel Hutz: Homer, I don't use the word "hero" very often. But you are the greatest hero in American history.
- Grampa: Bart! Ah, you remembered my birthday.
- Bart: Huh? Oh. I sure did!... Here's a bus schedule.
- Bart: Grampa, I need some advice. Did you ever have a crush on an older woman?
- Grampa: I had a crush on the oldest woman. One hundred and twenty years old, she was. Here's a picture of her delivering Eubie Blake.
- Bart: What happened?
- Grampa: She fell in with that Guinness Book of Records crowd. Suddenly, she didn't have any time for me. I wore a 15 pound beard of bees for that woman, but it just wasn't enough.
- Homer: Son, a woman is a lot like, uh... ... a refrigerator. They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds... they make ice and ... Oh, wait a minute, actually, a woman is more like a beer! They smell good -- they look good -- you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You want to drink another woman!
- Lisa: Good luck in your trumped-up law suit, Dad.
- Homer: Thanks, that means a lot to me.
- Lionel Hutz: Captain McCallister, isn't it a fact that you're not a real Captain?
- Sea Captain: [embarrassed] Aye.
- Blue-haired lawyer: Your honor I would like to show the court just how much shrimp Mr. Simpson ate. Bring it in boys!
- Mailman: Eighteen thousand letters all addressed to "Santa Claus!"
- Blue-haired lawyer: You want the People of Springfield vs. Kris Kringle -- that's next door.
- Ruth: But it says "good for one free beer at Moe's." This is Moe's Tavern, isn't it?
- Moe Szyslak: No, this is... Bo's Cavern.
- Ruth: Give me my beer.
- Moe: Stupid Welcome Mobile, I knew it would ruin me.
- Moe: Barney, don't steal any beer while I'm gone.
- barney Gumble: What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for? [gasp] Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray.
- Jimbo Jones: Please, dude, don't hurt me. Oh man...
- Moe: I wasn't really gonna kill ya'. I was just gonna cut ya! Aah, forget it. Ouch, I better go check on Barney.
- Laura: Well, Bart, you were right about him.
- Bart: As usual. A knife-wielding maniac has shown us the way.
- Laura: You know, if you were only old enough to grow a bad teenage mustache, I'd go out with you in a second.
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