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Kamp Krusty/Quotes

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Season 4 Episode Quotes
059 "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"
"Kamp Krusty"
"A Streetcar Named Marge" 061

Bart: I dreamt it was the last day of school!
Homer: Well, it is!
Bart: How do I know this isn't some beautiful dream, too?
[Homer whacks Bart on the head with a newspaper.]
Bart: Ow! You know, a pinch is more traditional.

Marge: Homer, you do remember your promise to the children?
Homer: Sure do. When you're 18, you're out the door!

Homer: Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Miss Hoover: Here are your final report cards. I have nothing left to say to any of you, so if nobody minds, let's just quietly run out the clock.

Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, if I don't get at least a 'C' average, I can't go to Kamp Krusty!
Mrs. Krabappel: Have a 'D'-lightful summer.

Teacher: [when the bells ring] Wait a minute! You didn't learn how World War II ended!
[The class waits expectantly.]
Teacher: We won!
Class: [running out of the building cheering] Yay! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Lisa: So Bart, will you be joining me in the bucolic splendour of Kamp Krusty?
Bart: You bet. Check out this hand: All aces.
Lisa: [laughs] A plus! Oh, Bart, why didn't you at least forge plausible grades?
Bart: Oh...

Bart: Well, Dad, here's my report card. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Homer: 'A+'!? You don't think much of me, do you, boy?
Bart: No, sir.
Homer: You know a 'D' turns into a 'B' so easily. You just got greedy.
Bart: So I won't get to go to camp?
Homer: Now, Bart, we made this deal because I thought it would help you get good grades. And you didn't. But why should you pay for my mistake?
Bart: You mean I can go?
Homer: Yeah. I didn't want you hangin' around all summer anyway.
Bart: Oh, Dad! You're the best father a boy could ever have.
Homer: Thanks, son. Now, you've got little hands ... could you reach under the mower and pull out that skate?

Bart: Hey, hands off my pickle!
Homer: I don't see your name on it, boy!
Bart: No, but-- [licks the pickle]
Homer: Oh, yeah? [dunks the pickle in his milk] Checkmate!
Bart: Always thinking two moves ahead.
Marge: It's our last family dinner for six weeks. But I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
[The others ignore her and continue to eat.]
Marge: [crying] Oh, I'm going to miss this.

Marge: Lisa, watch out for poison ivy. Remember, leaves of three, let it be.
Homer: Leaves of four, eat some more! [Laughs]

[The bus departs for Kamp Krusty with the kids on board.]
Bart: Don't look in my closet! In fact, stay out of my room all together.
Lisa: If the pets die, don't replace them, I'll know!

Mr. Black: I'll take any questions you might have ... you? And then, um... one more.
Milhouse: Can we call you Uncle Blackie?
Mr. Black: No. Last question.

[The kids sit around a campfire of burning tires while the camp counselors (the school bullies) supervise.]
Bart: Don't we get to roast marshmallows?
Dolph: Shut up and eat your pine cone!

[At the dock, Lisa hesitates to get into a battered-looking canoe bobbing around in rough waves.]
Lisa: Uh ... Are you sure that's safe?
Kearney: Well, it ain't gettin' any safer!
[The canoe breaks apart and sinks.]

[At dinnertime.]
Lisa: You're serving us gruel?
Dolph: Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference!

Lisa: I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart.
Bart: We're all gonna die, Lis'.
Lisa: I meant soon.
Bart: So did I.

Lisa: [writing home] Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty.

Marge: [reading Lisa's letter] She complains now, but when we go to pick her up, she won't want to leave.

Mr. Black: Well, kids, I promised you a little treat in lieu of dinner, and here it is. The man who took an abandoned mule tannery, and turned it into a summer wonderland: Mr. Krusty the Clown!
[Instead of the real Krusty, it's a disheveled and crudely disguised Barney Gumble.]
Mr. Black: Now, I must tell you kids Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back, so he won't be saying anything or doing anything.
Milhouse: Krusty looks fat!
Lisa: He's really having trouble keeping his balance!
Ralph: He's still funny, but not ha-ha funny!
Bart: [angry] That's not Krusty the Clown!!
[The other kids gasp.]
Mr. Black: Well, what do you think? I slapped a clown suit on some wino? [laughs nervously]
Barney: Yeah, Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown! [belches]

Bart: All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far! WE WANT KRUSTY!
[The other kids join in and chant with Bart.]
Barney: Yeah! We want Crunchy! We want Crunchy!

[A full-scale revolt breaks out, and Bart frees the fat-camp kids.]
Bart: My chunky brothers! Gorge yourselves at the trough of freedom!

[On TV, Kent Brockman reports about the chaos at Kamp Krusty.]
Kent Brockman: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been to Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together. A group of school-aged Spartacuses have taken the camp by force. Three counselors are missing and presumed scared.

[Kent is about to interview the rebel leader ...]
Homer: [watching the report about Kamp Krusty on the news] Don't be the boy, don't be the boy...

Bart: We want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. [covers microphone with his hand] Can I say 'crappy' on TV?
Kent: Yes, on this network you can.

[The real Krusty the Clown arrives at camp, but the kids don't believe it's really him.]
Krusty: I'm no fake! I'm the real Krusty!
Lisa: Oh, yeah!? Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom President Clown?
Krusty: I don't know her name, but she held up a liquor store last year.

Bart: Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty: Oh, my God!!
Bart: Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty: Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh, yeah.
Krusty: Oh, my God!!

Krusty: I'm taking you kids to the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!

Homer: Marge, am I crazy or is my back getting hairier?

Otto: All right! Three whole months of Spaghetti-O's and daytime TV!

Season 4 Quotes
Kamp Krusty A Streetcar Named Marge Homer the Heretic Lisa the Beauty Queen Treehouse of Horror III Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie Marge Gets a Job New Kid on the Block Mr. Plow Lisa's First Word Homer's Triple Bypass Marge vs. the Monorail Selma's Choice Brother from the Same Planet I Love Lisa Duffless Last Exit to Springfield So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show The Front Whacking Day Marge in Chains Krusty Gets Kancelled