Kamp Krusty/Quotes

Quotes

Season 4 Episode Quotes

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059

"Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

060
"Kamp Krusty"

"A Streetcar Named Marge"

061

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Bart: I dreamt it was the last day of school!

Homer: Well, it is!

Bart: How do I know this isn't some beautiful dream, too?

[Homer whacks Bart on the head with a newspaper.]

Bart: Ow! You know, a pinch is more traditional.

Marge: Homer, you do remember your promise to the children?

Homer: Sure do. When you're 18, you're out the door!

Homer: Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Miss Hoover: Here are your final report cards. I have nothing left to say to any of you, so if nobody minds, let's just quietly run out the clock.

Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, if I don't get at least a 'C' average, I can't go to Kamp Krusty!

Mrs. Krabappel: Have a 'D'-lightful summer.

Teacher: [when the bells ring] Wait a minute! You didn't learn how World War II ended!

[The class waits expectantly.]

Teacher: We won!

Class: [running out of the building cheering] Yay! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Lisa: So Bart, will you be joining me in the bucolic splendour of Kamp Krusty?

Bart: You bet. Check out this hand: All aces.

Lisa: [laughs] A plus! Oh, Bart, why didn't you at least forge plausible grades?

Bart: Oh...

Bart: Well, Dad, here's my report card. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Homer: 'A+'!? You don't think much of me, do you, boy?

Bart: No, sir.

Homer: You know a 'D' turns into a 'B' so easily. You just got greedy.

Bart: So I won't get to go to camp?

Homer: Now, Bart, we made this deal because I thought it would help you get good grades. And you didn't. But why should you pay for my mistake?

Bart: You mean I can go?

Homer: Yeah. I didn't want you hangin' around all summer anyway.

Bart: Oh, Dad! You're the best father a boy could ever have.

Homer: Thanks, son. Now, you've got little hands ... could you reach under the mower and pull out that skate?

Bart: Hey, hands off my pickle!

Homer: I don't see your name on it, boy!

Bart: No, but-- [licks the pickle]

Homer: Oh, yeah? [dunks the pickle in his milk] Checkmate!

Bart: Always thinking two moves ahead.

Marge: It's our last family dinner for six weeks. But I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

[The others ignore her and continue to eat.]

Marge: [crying] Oh, I'm going to miss this.

Marge: Lisa, watch out for poison ivy. Remember, leaves of three, let it be.

Homer: Leaves of four, eat some more! [Laughs]

[The bus departs for Kamp Krusty with the kids on board.]

Bart: Don't look in my closet! In fact, stay out of my room all together.

Lisa: If the pets die, don't replace them, I'll know!

Mr. Black: I'll take any questions you might have ... you? And then, um... one more.

Milhouse: Can we call you Uncle Blackie?

Mr. Black: No. Last question.

[The kids sit around a campfire of burning tires while the camp counselors (the school bullies) supervise.]

Bart: Don't we get to roast marshmallows?

Dolph: Shut up and eat your pine cone!

[At the dock, Lisa hesitates to get into a battered-looking canoe bobbing around in rough waves.]

Lisa: Uh ... Are you sure that's safe?

Kearney: Well, it ain't gettin' any safer!

[The canoe breaks apart and sinks.]

[At dinnertime.]

Lisa: You're serving us gruel?

Dolph: Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of ten orphans can't tell the difference!

Lisa: I feel like I'm gonna die, Bart.

Bart: We're all gonna die, Lis'.

Lisa: I meant soon.

Bart: So did I.

Lisa: [writing home] Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty.

Marge: [reading Lisa's letter] She complains now, but when we go to pick her up, she won't want to leave.

Mr. Black: Well, kids, I promised you a little treat in lieu of dinner, and here it is. The man who took an abandoned mule tannery, and turned it into a summer wonderland: Mr. Krusty the Clown!

[Instead of the real Krusty, it's a disheveled and crudely disguised Barney Gumble.]

Mr. Black: Now, I must tell you kids Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back, so he won't be saying anything or doing anything.

Milhouse: Krusty looks fat!

Lisa: He's really having trouble keeping his balance!

Ralph: He's still funny, but not ha-ha funny!

Bart: [angry] That's not Krusty the Clown!!

[The other kids gasp.]

Mr. Black: Well, what do you think? I slapped a clown suit on some wino? [laughs nervously]

Barney: Yeah, Bart, I am so Crunchy the Clown! [belches]

Bart: All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far! WE WANT KRUSTY!

[The other kids join in and chant with Bart.]

Bart and Kids: WE WANT KRUSTY! WE WANT KRUSTY!

Barney: Yeah! We want Crunchy! We want Crunchy!

[A full-scale revolt breaks out, and Bart frees the fat-camp kids.]

Bart: My chunky brothers! Gorge yourselves at the trough of freedom!

[On TV, Kent Brockman reports about the chaos at Kamp Krusty.]

Kent Brockman: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been to Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together. A group of school-aged Spartacuses have taken the camp by force. Three counselors are missing and presumed scared.

[Kent is about to interview the rebel leader ...]

Homer: [watching the report about Kamp Krusty on the news] Don't be the boy, don't be the boy...

Bart: We want the whole world to know that this was a really crappy camp. [covers microphone with his hand] Can I say 'crappy' on TV?

Kent: Yes, on this network you can.

[The real Krusty the Clown arrives at camp, but the kids don't believe it's really him.]

Krusty: I'm no fake! I'm the real Krusty!

Lisa: Oh, yeah!? Who played your daughter in the short-lived sitcom President Clown?

Krusty: I don't know her name, but she held up a liquor store last year.

Bart: Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!

Krusty: Oh, my God!!

Bart: Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.

Krusty: Was it a nice hat?

Bart: Oh, yeah.

Krusty: Oh, my God!!

Krusty: I'm taking you kids to the happiest place on Earth: Tijuana!

Homer: Marge, am I crazy or is my back getting hairier?

Otto: All right! Three whole months of Spaghetti-O's and daytime TV!

← Season 3 Season 4 Quotes Season 5 →
Kamp Krusty • A Streetcar Named Marge • Homer the Heretic • Lisa the Beauty Queen • Treehouse of Horror III • Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie • Marge Gets a Job • New Kid on the Block • Mr. Plow • Lisa's First Word • Homer's Triple Bypass • Marge vs. the Monorail • Selma's Choice • Brother from the Same Planet • I Love Lisa • Duffless • Last Exit to Springfield • So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show • The Front • Whacking Day • Marge in Chains • Krusty Gets Kancelled