Difference between revisions of "Hardly Kirk-Ing (Tapped Out quest)"

Latest revision as of 12:28, May 18, 2024

For the episode, see Hardly Kirk-ing.

Hardly Kirk-Ing is a premium questline in The Simpsons: Tapped Out. It was introduced in the Level 37 content update. It requires Luann to be obtained.

Dialogue[edit]

Pt. 1[edit]

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark Hey Luann! All my years of hard work finally paid off, by not paying off at all. I'm getting free checks from the government! I'm even thinking about buying back my molars from that pawnshop. Do YOU get paid to do nothing? Basically, yes. Running a cracker factory is like being on unemployment, only with more money and fewer forms. Oh man, I've got to fill out one form every two weeks. Why can't I win? Because you're a loser. You're the only man I know with a World's Second Best Dad mug. Please give me back my job at the Cracker Factory. I'm not above begging. In fact, I'm well below it. So you want to come crawling back to crackers? Fine, I'll hire you Kirk. But you'll have to start at the beginning – as a cracker intern. Task: "Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory and takes 8 hours. Task: "Make Kirk Work at the Cracker Factory". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory and takes 8 hours. Long day at the factory. Turns out I only get two 15-minute breaks and both I'm required to spend working. And I'm pretty sure half of the employees are pairs of children wearing giant trench coats. You better not report those kids – I mean stacked adults – to the government or else I'll have you fired. I didn't think it was possible, but you've ruined the magic of crackers. You don't have to fire me -- I quit. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 2[edit]

After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark Kirk, if you want to stay a part of this family, you are going to have to get a real job. And I know what you're thinking, and that doesn't include organ donor. I've been dedicating my time to the most important job there is – being a father. Where's Milhouse right now? Trick question! That's not our son's name. Oh wait, it is. Fine, I'll get a job. Do you mind taking a look at my resume? Hmm...cleaning vomit, scaring away birds, groveling... actually I might have the perfect job for you. You can manage one of my Fleet-A-Pitas! Well, assistant manage. Actually just work there. I'm in management! Task: "Make Kirk Clean Up Fleet-A-Pitas". The job takes place at a Fleet-A-Pita and takes 16 hours. I can't do this anymore. I can't pedal pita when in my heart I know it's just a soft, salt-less, un-American substitute cracker. But how can I tell Luann that I want to quit? Maybe I can fake my own death, convince Luann I'm a ghost and live in the crawl space. Nah, she wouldn't fall for that a second time. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 3[edit]

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark Hey Homer, you seem to have it all together. Can I ask you for some advice? Never train a monkey to do your job for you because then you'll get a monkey boss. There you go! The first one's free. Thanks Homer. But I was looking for some advice about my marriage. Never bring the monkey home. You're welcome! Luann doesn't want me or need me. She's better at everything than I am – running the factory, raising our son, even peeing standing up. Don't forget running the Cracker Factory. I already said that one. She's just really good at it. Like so much better than you. What am I going to do, Homer? Don't ask me. Marge handles all the relationship problems herself. Why don't you try a book? I've heard good things about them from Lisa. Task: "Make Kirk Borrow a Self Help Book". The job takes place at the Springfield Library and takes 60 minutes. Those self-help books really showed me the error of my ways. It turns out the secret to a healthy relationship is appreciating your partner and buying more self-help books. Oh yeah, showing appreciation is important. For instance, Marge fixes me breakfast every morning. And I... uh... drink beer. I should do something special for Luann! Are coupons for free hugs still a thing? This isn't your anniversary, Kirk. This calls for some serious romancing. You should take her out to dinner... and don't order anything that requires a bib. That sounds expensive. How's an unemployed loser like me going to afford that? Think of it as an investment. Invest money in Luann now, and once she lets you back in the house-- I can steal money from her purse! Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 4[edit]

After tapping on Kirk's exclamation mark Luann, we have to talk. What is it this time? I know I've been a huge disappointment to you and that I don't deserve another chance but if you let me, I'd like to make it up to you. Let me take you to the most expensive dinner in town. It's where they make normal food look weird and taste almost exactly the same. El Chemistri! Is there a catch? How can you afford this? The owner of the restaurant owes me a favor. I let him hit me with his car for fun. Task: "Make Luann Dine at El Chemistri". The job takes place at El Chemistri and takes 4 hours. Task: "Make Kirk Dine at El Chemistri". The job takes place at El Chemistri and takes 4 hours. Kirk, I-I am speechless, I really didn't expect something this thoughtful from you. I actually don't expect anything at all from you. Seriously ever. I'm always here to support you in this marriage, Luann. Emotionally, not financially. Just want to make that crystal clear. Oh, Kirk. I guess you'll do. You have no idea how long I've waited to hear those words. Quest reward: 100 and 10

Pt. 5[edit]

After tapping on Luann's exclamation mark I've thought it over and I think I haven't been fair to you. As long as you're willing to do absolutely everything I say without question, then I'm willing to offer you your old management job back at the Cracker Factory. The job I was born for! Being an empty suit! How about we carpool in the MegaGlobe today sweetheart? At least until I head to executive parking. Task: "Make Luann Run the Cracker Factory". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory and takes 8 hours. Task: "Make Kirk Run the Cracker Factory". The job takes place at the Cracker Factory and takes 8 hours. I'm so glad my parents are no longer fighting! At least for this week... Quest reward: 200 and 20