Difference between revisions of "Saddlesore Galactica/Quotes"

Revision as of 07:43, February 20, 2020

Lisa: I hate to be a killjoy, but do you really think we can win playing "Stars and Stripes Forever"? It's so beginner band, and we're advanced beginner band.

Ralph: This is band?

Mr. Largo: Very well, Lisa. What rousing Sousa march would you have us play?

Lisa: Well, I thought maybe, for once, we could play a song that wasn't written by Sousa.

Largo: You mean something just arranged by Sousa?

Homer: Vietnam Veteran.

Squeaky-voiced teen: Do you have a military I.D.?

Homer: I.D.? Man, Charlie didn't ask for I.D. when I fought at La Choy and Chun King. I saw my best friend's head explode at Margaret Cho.

Marge: Homer, give him the fifty cents.

Homer: Why should I? Did my country give me a parade? No, man! They spat at me and...

Squeaky-voiced teen: Just go.

Homer: Thanks. This closes the saddest chapter in American history.

Lisa: Anybody got a building permit? 'Cause we nailed it!

Bart: Way to blow, Lis!

Marge: That is the best version of "Living in America" I've ever heard.

Homer: Third best for me.

Lisa: I hope you enjoy your plaque, cheater.

State Comptroller Atkins: Well, I was going to give you the Good Sportsmanship Award, but now I'm just going to be sick.

Chief Wiggum: Ah, this is clearly a case of animal cruelty. Ah, do you have a permit for that?

Barker: No problem, sir. It's in my car.

[the barker drives away]

Lou: You gotta stop bein' so trusting, Chief.

Wiggum: I'd rather let a thousand guilty men go free, than chase after them.

Marge: Should the Simpsons get a horse?

Comic Book Guy: Excuse me. But I believe this family already had a horse, and the expense forced Homer to work at the Kwik-E-Mart with hilarious consequences.

Homer: Anybody care what this guy thinks?

Crowd: No!

Homer: Hey, where do you get those metal dealies for his feet?

Jockey 1: You mean horseshoes?

Homer: Hey, what's with the attitude? I just want some dealies.

Jockey 2: You really think that horse can run a mile and a half?

Homer: He ran all the way here.

Homer: That horse better win, or we're taking a trip to the glue factory and he won't get to come.

Lenny: Yeah, that's a great tour, but you can't see it all in one day.

Homer: Cheer up, son. I thought you looked damn good out there. Oh, wait. You were number "5"? Eew! You stin... Damn good.

Marge: "Furious D"?

Bart: He's the bad boy of racing. He's got attitude and bad-itude, so show him some latitude and you'll win his gratitude. Only in America!

Lisa: Ew, you used my bracelet for a nose ring!

Homer: Possessions are fleeting.

Mrs. Vanderbilt: Why, look at that disgraceful beast.

Mr. Vanderbilt: Good Lord! What has become of the Sport of Kings?

Bart: Get bent.

[the Vanderbilts gasp. Mr. Vanderbilt's monocle falls into his drink]

Mr. Vanderbilt: That's my third monocle this week. I simply must stop being so horrified.

Marge: Okay, Lisa. I've got Furious D across the board, boxed with the three and the eight, and wheeled up and down.

Lisa: Mom, I think you might be developing a gambling problem.

Comic Book Guy: Hey, I'm watching you...

Homer: Man, I got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky and the Pope combined.

Trevor Denman: Could it be? In a bizarre twist, a horse is abusing a jockey. Might this be the start of a terrifying Planet of the Horses? In this announcer's opinion, almost certainly yes. And away I go.

Lisa: You read my letter?

Bill Clinton: Much of it, yeah. And those glowsticks were wrong, very wrong. So I've personally overturned the results of that band contest. Congratulations.

Lisa: Thank you, Mr. President!

Bill Clinton: No, thank you, Lisa, for teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.

Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson.

Bill Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy President.