Difference between revisions of "The War of Art/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 12:41, August 3, 2021

Homer: Kettle corn. The heroin of the farmers' market.

Marge: Oh, it looks great!

[Homer walk to the living room and look at the new painting]'

Homer: Well, to me, it looks like garbage salad. But that's the great thing about art. Everyone can have their own opinion about why it sucks.

Marge: But the Van Houtens are our friends.

Homer: Are they, Marge? If you think about it, aren't they really just the parents of a kid who happens to hang out with our kid?

Marge: All our friends are like that.

Marge: What if we give the Van Houtens 25% of the money?

Homer: Then they'll just be mad about the 65% that we're keeping.

Homer: Okay, Milhouse, the guys in back are shining up your new bike.

Milhouse Van Houten: And all I have to do is not say anything about some painting to my Mom and Dad?

Marge: Oh, sweetie, you want your parents to be happy, don't you?

Milhouse: I guess.

Homer: "I guess"! You're funny! No wonder Lisa's in love with you.

Milhouse: She is?!

Lisa: She is?!

Luann Van Houten: We considered you our friends. We trusted you! I let Homer use our master bathroom! Then you stab us in the back!

Marge: See what happens when we get greedy?!

Homer: Honey, there's something I want to show you.

Marge: An ATM receipt?

Homer: I don't know whose this is. I found it next to the cash machine, and I've always kept it. Look at the balance.

Marge: Five figures!

Homer: With that painting, we could have what these people have: A money cushion. No more living paycheck to paycheck, one lost retainer away from the gutter.

Marge: I could write a check with today's date on it.

Homer: That's the cushion.

Marge: Great! Now we're raccoons, the masked bandits of the animal world!

Homer: Don't worry. No one's gonna see this stupid show.

Marge: We don't even get this many Christmas cards.

Kirk Van Houten: [looking at the picture of Luann on his MyPad, desperately] Oh, Luann, I'll never gaze from my thick eyeglasses into your thick eyeglasses ever again.

Homer: Okay, all I gotta do is take a quick ferry to Isla Verde, find Café Artiste, and they'll back up Kirk's story. That will prove the painting was his—and now ours.

Marge: Oh, Homer Simpson, that painting has torn the town apart, destroyed Kirk and Luann's marriage, and everyone's very worried about Milhouse.

Bart: He's been playing Dancing Revolution for hours, but the TV is off.

[Milhouse is still playing the dancing game while the TV is off]

Homer: But our cushion!

Marge: That picture has brought out the worst in everyone! Please! Just let it go!

[She walk away from Homer angrily, and Bart just walk into him]

Bart: You're not gonna let it go, are you?

Homer: I wish I knew how.

Lisa: This is so exciting! My first time establishing provenance!

Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just remember, if your mother asks, I took you to a wine tasting.

Lisa: That's a terrible thing for a father to do.

Homer: That's why she'll believe it.

Lisa: You're a forger?

Klaus Ziegler: "Forger" is such a cruel word. I'm an art forger.

Lisa: What you do is horrible; ripping off geniuses who spent years perfecting their styles.

Klaus Ziegler: Perhaps you are the one who is horrible.

Lisa: What?!

Klaus Ziegler: You only cared about that painting when you thought it was created by someone famous.

Lisa: Well, no, but now when I look at it, all I see is a fraud.

Klaus Ziegler: Beauty is beauty. My forgeries give pleasure to people all over the world.

Klaus Ziegler: If there's one thing art is good for, it's to melt the frost which often hardens a woman's heart.