Difference between revisions of "Diatribe of a Mad Housewife/Quotes"
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
m (Bot: applying template Qf, rearranging links (code: quotes)) |
m (→top: replaced: {{w| → {{W|, {{ch| → {{Ch|) |
||
| (2 intermediate revisions by 2 users not shown) | |||
| Line 7: | Line 7: | ||
{{qf|Marge}} I know, I got your message. | {{qf|Marge}} I know, I got your message. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|Homer}} Marge, I figured it out! Lee Harvey Oswald wanted to steal the Jack Ruby! | + | {{qf|Homer}} Marge, I figured it out! [[Lee Harvey Oswald]] wanted to steal the Jack Ruby! |
| − | {{qf|Marge}} Jack Ruby was a man, not a jewel. | + | {{qf|Marge}} [[Jack Ruby]] was a man, not a jewel. |
{{qf|Homer}} Oh, I was so close! | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, I was so close! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| Line 15: | Line 15: | ||
{{qf|Homer}} I'll say. | {{qf|Homer}} I'll say. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|{{ | + | {{qf|{{Ch|Tom Clancy}}}} Hello, this is Tom Clancy. Would I say, "If you're hunting for a good read this October, Marge Simpson's book is a clear and present danger to your free time"? Hell no I wouldn't. What do you mean I just said it? That doesn't count! Hello. Hello? |
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|Marge}} ''[to herself]'' I'm finished, and it's so suggestive. Well like they say "snuggling sells." | {{qf|Marge}} ''[to herself]'' I'm finished, and it's so suggestive. Well like they say "snuggling sells." | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | {{qf|Homer}} | + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[singing]'' Here in my car, I am hosing off blood. Some of its mine, but most of its not. Here's Marge. |
{{qf|Marge}} Homie, I finished my novel... | {{qf|Marge}} Homie, I finished my novel... | ||
{{qf|Homer}} Wooh, typed. | {{qf|Homer}} Wooh, typed. | ||
| Line 43: | Line 43: | ||
{{qf|Homer}} You know what I say, publish or parish! | {{qf|Homer}} You know what I say, publish or parish! | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[ | + | :''[Inside Lisa's brain.]'' |
{{qf|Jealousy}} I can't believe mom wrote a book before we did! | {{qf|Jealousy}} I can't believe mom wrote a book before we did! | ||
{{qf|Honesty}} And it's a little trashy. | {{qf|Honesty}} And it's a little trashy. | ||
| Line 57: | Line 57: | ||
{{qf|Marge}} Yes, I guess it does resemble your father. | {{qf|Marge}} Yes, I guess it does resemble your father. | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[The windsock at [[Boris' | + | :''[The windsock at [[Boris' Car Loft]] is ripped from its platform; it flies away.]'' |
{{qf|Homer}} Awww. That was my only friend here. | {{qf|Homer}} Awww. That was my only friend here. | ||
:''[Homer gets up on the platform and "performs" in the windsock's place.]'' | :''[Homer gets up on the platform and "performs" in the windsock's place.]'' | ||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | :''[Homer's driving the ambulance with | + | :''[Homer's driving the ambulance with Comic Book Guy - who's clutching his heart - in the back.]'' |
{{qf|Homer}} So, where to, my friend? | {{qf|Homer}} So, where to, my friend? | ||
{{qf|[[Comic Book Guy]]}} I already told you: the hospital! You're an ambulance, not a cab! | {{qf|[[Comic Book Guy]]}} I already told you: the hospital! You're an ambulance, not a cab! | ||
| Line 70: | Line 70: | ||
---- | ---- | ||
{{qf|Lisa}} Bart, this is horrible! What if Dad reads it? | {{qf|Lisa}} Bart, this is horrible! What if Dad reads it? | ||
| − | {{qf|Bart}} It's too long; he won't read it. | + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} It's too long; he won't read it. |
{{qf|Lisa}} Well, what if they make it into a movie? | {{qf|Lisa}} Well, what if they make it into a movie? | ||
{{qf|Bart}} It's too sappy; he won't see it. | {{qf|Bart}} It's too sappy; he won't see it. | ||
| − | {{qf|Lisa}} Well, what if they do a parody about it on {{ | + | {{qf|Lisa}} Well, what if they do a parody about it on {{W|MADtv}}? |
{{qf|Bart}} ''[gasps]'' We're doomed! | {{qf|Bart}} ''[gasps]'' We're doomed! | ||
{{Season 15|Q}} | {{Season 15|Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 18:03, October 15, 2021
|
|||||||||
|
|
|
- Homer: You were gonna start a novel without informing me?!
- Marge: Homer, you left two jobs and bought an ambulance without even a phone call!
- Homer: I also fed some ducklings.
- Marge: I know, I got your message.
- Homer: Marge, I figured it out! Lee Harvey Oswald wanted to steal the Jack Ruby!
- Marge: Jack Ruby was a man, not a jewel.
- Homer: Oh, I was so close!
- Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need some dinner STAT! And the kids need some CPR lessons.
- Lisa: We're not paramedics!
- Homer: I'll say.
- Tom Clancy: Hello, this is Tom Clancy. Would I say, "If you're hunting for a good read this October, Marge Simpson's book is a clear and present danger to your free time"? Hell no I wouldn't. What do you mean I just said it? That doesn't count! Hello. Hello?
- Marge: [to herself] I'm finished, and it's so suggestive. Well like they say "snuggling sells."
- Homer: [singing] Here in my car, I am hosing off blood. Some of its mine, but most of its not. Here's Marge.
- Marge: Homie, I finished my novel...
- Homer: Wooh, typed.
- Marge: It's really important that you read it and tell me what you think.
- Homer: No problem. Aww 286 pages!
- Marge: It's double spaced.
- Homer: Woo hoo! I'm half-way through!
- Homer: How can you write such horrible things about me?
- Marge: You told me you liked it! You didn't read it at all! You lied to me!
- Homer: I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
- Ned Flanders: Did you agree to be married to a drunken lout who wouldn't respect you?
- Marge: Pretty much. We wrote our own vows.
- Marge: Well?
- Homer: Well what?
- Marge: Did you read it?
- Homer: [right eye bounces left to right twice] Um... yes.
- Marge: Did you like it?
- Homer: [left eye bounces left to right twice] Um... yes.
- Marge: Do you think I should publish it?
- Homer: You know what I say, publish or parish!
- [Inside Lisa's brain.]
- Jealousy: I can't believe mom wrote a book before we did!
- Honesty: And it's a little trashy.
- Conscience: Mom has expressed herself; we should nurture her.
- Libido: Let's kiss boys! Binge and purge! Rock and roll!
- Conscience: [to Libido] You're not getting out until we're 16.
- Libido: [growls, waving her arms in a comical fashion]
- Marge: Did you like it?
- Lisa: [puts down last page] Don't you think you're a little hard on Dad?
- Marge: What do you mean?
- Lisa: [reading page] He went to the shop with the sign: Salted Blowholes. "Mmm... Blowholes," he drooled.' Doesn't that sound a little like Dad?
- Marge: Yes, I guess it does resemble your father.
- [The windsock at Boris' Car Loft is ripped from its platform; it flies away.]
- Homer: Awww. That was my only friend here.
- [Homer gets up on the platform and "performs" in the windsock's place.]
- [Homer's driving the ambulance with Comic Book Guy - who's clutching his heart - in the back.]
- Homer: So, where to, my friend?
- Comic Book Guy: I already told you: the hospital! You're an ambulance, not a cab!
- Homer: The hospital, huh? Seems like everyone's going there tonight.
- [Homer's driving the ambulance with an unconscious man in the back.]
- Homer: [to the unconscious man] So, you got any kids? [beat] Quiet kind, huh?
- Lisa: Bart, this is horrible! What if Dad reads it?
- Bart: It's too long; he won't read it.
- Lisa: Well, what if they make it into a movie?
- Bart: It's too sappy; he won't see it.
- Lisa: Well, what if they do a parody about it on MADtv?
- Bart: [gasps] We're doomed!
