MyPods and Boomsticks/Quotes
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"MyPods and Boomsticks"
- [At the Mapple Store, an announcement comes over the speaker system.]
- Announcer: [on speakers] Attention, Mapple Universe. Prepare for a live announcement from Mapple founder and Chief Imaginative Officer Steve Mobbs.
- People in Crowd: Steve Mobbs! -- He's a genius! -- He's like a god who knows what we want!
- Steve Mobbs: [appearing on giant video screen] Greetings! It is I, your insanely great leader, Steve Mobbs. I'm speaking to you from Mapple headquarters, deep below the sea, with an announcement that will completely change the way you look at everything. [The crowd gasps.] And that announcement is-
- [Seeing the opportunity for a prank, Bart plugs in a microphone and cuts into Mobbs' announcement. On the screen, Mobbs is now talking silently while Bart provides him with new material.]
- Bart: You're all losers! [The crowd gasps -- "Huhhhh??"] You think you're cool because you buy a five-hundred-dollar phone with a picture of a fruit on it? Well, guess what. They cost eight bucks to make and I pee on every one!
- Crowd: Eeeeeewwwww!! [They drop their MyPhones, MyPods and other Mapple merchandise onto the floor.]
- Bart: [continuing] I have made a fortune off you chumps and I've invested it all in Microsoft. Now my boyfriend Bill Gates and I kiss each other on a pile of your money!
- [The crowd gasps again. Comic Book Guy, carrying a large slegdehammer, charges the screen.]
- Comic Book Guy: Traitor! Your heart is blacker than your turtleneck!
- [Comic Book Guy hurls the sledgehammer into the screen, shattering it, and several Mapple Store employees wrestle him to the floor. Bart chuckles at the scene.]
- Mapple Store Employee: Who dares question the boss we fired ten years ago and then brought back?
- Lisa: [pointing accusingly.] It was my brother, Bart!
- Mapple Store Employee: Flay him with your earbuds! Flay him, I say!
- [All the employees take their earbuds off, twirl them, and advance on Bart.]
- Marge: You're teaching Bart a terrible lesson of intolerance!
- Homer: I'm sorry. It's just so fun and easy to judge people based on religion.
- Kearney: What's your name, sweat stain?
- Bashir: Uh, Bashir?
- Kearney: 'Bash here?' I love a kid that comes with directions!
- [Beneath the sea, Lisa goes to Mapple headquarters to see Steve Mobbs about her MyTunes bill.]
- Employee: Mr. Mobbs, there's a surface dweller here to see you. MyTunes user JazzGal62.
- Steve Mobbs: Oh, Lisa Simpson. Send her in!
- [Lisa comes in.]
- Steve Mobbs: Lisa, it's insanely great to see you.
- Lisa: [pleading her case] Um, Mr. Mobbs, I sort of downloaded too many songs onto my MyPod and I don't have the money to pay for them. Do you think you could consider a reduced payment plan?
- Steve Mobbs: I'm sorry. I know our posters say 'Think differently,' but our real slogan is 'No refunds.'
- Lisa: [tearfully] "Can't you open your Mapple menu and click on the compassion bar? Oh, please."
- [Steve Mobbs thinks for a moment.]
- Steve Mobbs: Lisa, how would you like to work for Mapple?
- Lisa: [perking up] Would I ever!
- [The scene shifts to a busy street corner. Lisa is wearing a MyPod costume and handing out flyers to passersby.]
- Lisa: [blandly and unenthusiastically] "Think differently. Think differently. Think differently. [sighs] Think differently."