Homer the Whopper/Quotes
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- Bart: You made this?
- Comic Book Guy: Shut up! No one is interested in the critical judgment of a worthless child...
- Bart: Actually, I like it.
- Comic Book Guy: You what now?
- Milhouse Van Houten: Everyman is awesome! Reading it I escaped from my troubles! [sadly] Now they're back in spades.
- Comic Book Guy: If copies got out, it would be ridiculed by the online community -- SonofSonofSpock, TheDorkKnight, and IkilledKenny6475.
- Bart: Don't be afraid of them. They're just Lame-os like yourself.
- Milhouse: Two of them are me.
- Bart: Comic Book Guy's been writing these for years. Who knew a troubled person could be creative?
- Marv: That's it! Our next big summer movie will be Everyman!
- Female executive: Uh, Marv? Ginormous Pictures bought the rights to Everyman three weeks ago.
- Marv: Dammit!
- Comic Book Guy: I played hardball with Hollywood! The closest I will ever come to playing a sport in my life!
- Comic Book Guy: Don't you latté-sipping leeches understand? I've seen enough of these Hollywood super-hunks -- we need a dumpy, unappealing loser -- an everyman!
- Homer: Can you help me out? I need change for a dollar. Oh, I also need a dollar.
- Comic Book Guy: You... Are... Acceptable!
- Homer: Great! Do you want to see me naked?
- Producer: Oh, there's no nudity in this movie.
- Homer: What movie?
- Marge: Guess who the garden club elected president?
- Homer: You? Awesome. Next.
- Marge: [sadly] No. I lost.
- Lyle McCarthy: Take my hand, Homer. And wave goodbye to fat you.
- Homer: Goodbye, fat me.
- Lyle McCarthy: Homer, do you know why you eat?
- Homer: Because I'm swallowing my frustrations and disappointments?
- Homer: This montage sounds really exhausting. How 'bout I just do a walking around sad montage?
- Lyle McCarthy: No.
- Homer: A montage of me turning a ragtag Little League team into state runners-up?
- Lyle McCarthy: No.
- Homer: Me using funny modes of transportation like a hot air balloon and a camel, and finally a pickup truck full of chickens? Then I get out of the truck and go thank the driver, but then I see the driver is a chicken?
- Lyle McCarthy: Let's just skip ahead a month.
- Police chief: Well, I think we've seen the last of the Purple Pariah. Thanks, Everyman!
- Everyman: [Homer] Don't thank me -- thank Captain America...for giving me the patriotism to want to save the President's life. And thank Wonder Woman....for giving me the boobs to distract the guards.
- Lenny Leonard: Half the shots he's fat, half the shots he's thin. It's taking me out of the moment. Like when you're kissing a girl and she burps.
- Carl Carlson: Who was in charge of continuity on this picture?
- Continuity lady: I tried to show them the Polaroids -- they wouldn't look!
- Carl: It's your job to get their attention! Nobody takes responsibility anymore.
- Continuity lady: Well, I... I just wanted to get back into the business after I had my kids.
- Moe Szyslak: Yeah, well, now those kids have an embarrassment for a mother.
- Comic Book Guy: Everyman the motion picture is the culmination of a lifelong dream. And I was one of the few who saw that dream realized on screen last night. If there is one fault to find with this two hundred million dollar production, it is that this is... ...the worst. Movie. Ever! And "send!"
