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Eeny Teeny Maya, Moe/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
"Eeny Teeny Maya, Moe"
- Marge: You're supposed to be spending time with your daughter.
- Homer: I will, when it's not sports season.
- Homer: Look Marge! It's just what you want. Me spending the day with Muggsy.
- Marge: Maggie.
- Homer: Marge, you're not naggy. You just set the bar impossibly high.
- Marge: Can you at least bring a sweater for Maggie?
- Homer: [shakes head] Impossibly high.
- Homer: [to Maggie] Now, you learn your numbers from these billiard balls while Daddy gets happier and happier and then sadder and sadder.
- Moe Szyslak: It was a typical Friday night: me surfing the net at the public library, with occasional drinking fountain breaks.
- Moe: All right, before I send this, I'd better, uh, un-beady the eyes... de-Neanderthal the brow... smooth out my hate lines... lighten up the ear hair... switch my lips... Then, black tie the whole deal. Aw, I can't build a relationship on a lie. The lies come later.
- Moe: Oh, you're a little person? I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. What's the correct term?
- Maya: Little person.
- Moe: Whoa! Look at me bein' polite!
- Moe: Your picture just made you look more... life-sized.
- Maya: That was taken at Legoland. I was afraid you'd be disappointed in the real me.
- Moe: Are you kiddin' me? You're the best thing to come into this bar since cable TV. And unlike cable TV, I ain't stealin' you from the Chinese restaurant across the street there.
- Maya: Mmm... you're a good kisser.
- Moe: Yeah, I practice by siphoning gas out of other people's tanks. But I never tasted super-premium that was half as good as you.
- Maya: Oh, Moe.
- Carl Carlson: How'd your date go, Moe?
- Moe: Incredible. I've never felt like this before. It's like my heart wants to do her.
- Moe: Let me ask you guys somethin': how would you treat a person who's generally dynamite but uh, in some way... a little different?
- Lenny Leonard: You mean like how we treat Homer?
- Carl: 'Cause he can't remember limericks?
- Homer: I can too! "There once was this guy from an island off the coast of Massachusetts... uh, Nantucket, I think it was. Anyway, he had a most unusual personal characteristic... which was... um... uh...
- [the barflies laugh]
- Carl: Look at him struggling with the simplest rhyme.
- Lenny: It's a-a-b-b-a, dumbass!
- Lisa: Dad, do you have any idea what's gotten into Maggie?
- Homer: How would I know?
- Marge: You've been spending so much time with her.
- Homer: I have not! Oh right, you think I do.
- Marge: Wait a second, Marge: do you really want to use your baby as a tool to spy on your husband?
- Lisa: Yes you do.
- Marge: I wasn't talking to you.
- Lisa: When you say it, it's not just in your head.
- Maya: Listen... there's one thing that keeps bothering me.
- Moe: Is it my religion? 'Cause I am a snake handler, but not an observant one. If we have kids, they just have to have a ceremony with a cobra by age three so grandfather will be happy.
- Maya: No, that's fine.
- Moe: Guys, after all the years I've given you advice, now I need a little advice from you.
- Carl: We never follow your advice.
- Lenny: The one time I did, I went to jail for three years.
- Moe: You made some good friends, didn't ya?
- Lenny: Just 'cause you're chained to a guy don't make him your friend.
- Moe: What's the matter, Homer?
- Homer: Not a thing in the world.
- Moe: Yeah, I wish I could say the same.
- Homer: Moe, this was a great thing for you. You went from sitting on the sidelines to getting in the game. And sometime when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you. And that means someone can love you again. And that'll make you smile.