Take My Life, Please/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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430
"Take My Life, Please"
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- Bart: Homer, that guy's your age?
- Homer: [pouting] No, he's ten days younger.
- Lisa: So you're saying he'll look like you in ten days?
- Homer: If he's lucky.
- Principal Dondelinger: I've never heard a speech so bad. Ten days detention!
- Homer: Detention!? [irritated] Thanks a lot, you dumb-delinger!
- Principal Dondelinger: Anyone who votes for Vance gets a half-day tomorrow.
- Homer: Hmmm... half-day, eh?
- Homer: Guys that popular and confident are never truly happy.
- Bart: He looks happy.
- Homer: Tears of a clown.
- Lisa: He's not crying and he's not known for clowning.
- Homer: Exception that proves the rule.
- Homer: Listen, settle a bet: behind that smile you're dying, right?
- Vance Connor: Behind this smile is a bigger smile trying to get out. Oh. Oh here it comes! Oh yeah!
- Homer: Please! You've gotta have some secret agony! I bet those fancy shoes hurt your feet.
- Vance Connor: No, actually they're like two leather clouds! Got 'em from a buddy of mine with a store in Shelbyville. You want his number?
- Homer: No. Yes.
- Carl Carlson: Lenny, uh, I think it's time for us to come clean.
- Lenny Leonard: About how we give each other haircuts?
- Carl: No, we'll take that secret to our graves.
- Homer: Lenny! Wake up!
- Lenny: Finally, you returned my shovel.
- Homer: That's not why I'm here. Get dressed.
- Homer: Yes! I'm Senior Class President! I get a parking spot if the Assistant Principal isn't using it! Wait a second. If I'd been Class President like I was supposed to, I'd be the one with the big mansion and the color TVs and the hot wife!
- Marge: Hey!
- Homer: Marge, I still would be married to you, but you would just be hotter.
- Marge: Ooh.
- Lisa: Dad, just because you won a high school election doesn't mean your whole life would have been better.
- Homer: That's exactly what it means. And Dondelinger took that life away from me. And the taking of a life is murder. And the punishment for murder is... well, it varies from state to state and by race... but I'm gonna find Dondelinger and tell him I know what he did last summer... twenty-two years ago... in the winter!
- Marge: Homie, you're barely eating.
- Bart: Yeah, I can actually see your hands. They're not just a blur.
- Old Italian man: Watch the sauce. You see what I see.
- Marge: I see a hair.
- Old Italian man: You see too much.
- Homer: I would've been a winner, instead of some idiot spending his Saturday night staring into a bowl of sauce. Why did fate do this to me?
- Old Italian man: Ask-a the garlic bread.
- Homer: Why? Why?
- Old Italian man: [scoffs] Hey everyone! The stupid fat man's talking to garlic bread! [cackles]
- Teenage Selma: Who's that side of beef munchin' on our sister?
- Teenage Patty: I don't know, but in this reality, I am not gay! Hubba hubba!
- Homer: Now let's get something to eat.
- Lisa: How 'bout Italian?
- Homer: God no!
- Bart: I hear there's a Korean barbeque place where the beef spells out the date of your death.
- Homer: Ooh, that sounds like fun!
