Write Off This Episode/Quotes
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< Write Off This Episode
Revision as of 08:04, May 2, 2023 by Solar Dragon (talk | contribs) (Created page with "{{TabQ|nogags}} {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Fan-ily Feud|The Very Hungry Caterpillars}} {{qf|Homer}} Come on, lucky ring. You tricked Marge into staying with me, you can do this...")
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- Homer: Come on, lucky ring. You tricked Marge into staying with me, you can do this.
- Lisa: Shouldn't you throw those clothes out?
- Marge: Rather than clean them? Don't rob me of the one part of your dad getting skunk-sprayed I enjoy.
- Lisa: How come all of these pillowcases are blue?
- Marge: I think it's from my hair. Not that I dye my hair. It's natural. It's just such a vibrant natural blue that...
- Lisa: It's okay, Mom. The blue's a nice touch.
- Gil Gunderson: Ah, hot diggity. I can finally get my old job back as a stock image model for "man in suit."
- The Rich Texan: Here's my charitable deduction. I mean donation. I mean both. I love anything that gets me out of taxes.
- Marge: Texas?
- The Rich Texan: No, taxes. I hate taxes, but I love Texas 'cause folks in Texas love Texas and hates taxes. No taxing's what Texans stand for.
- Lisa: Wait, we're using Hand & Armor Baking Soda? That company is the worst. They support child labor. Even some of their top executives are children.
- Lisa: I've got a good feeling about the baking soda manufacturer at the top of this mountain.
- Homer: Oh, why can't anything good ever be at the bottom of a mountain?
- Marge: Check out our official symbol. It's the same ribbon we use to tie the blue bags. They've become so popular we've completely run out of ribbons.
- Lisa: So what do you tie the bags with?
- Marge: Well, we're a little behind in our bag making, but we've been doing something even more important: raising awareness about our bag making.
- Lisa: I've never been fired before. What am I supposed to do?
- Homer: You don't know how long I've been waiting for this. Finally, I can pass down to my kids my vast knowledge about what I'm truly amazing at: being canned.
- Homer: Oh, being fired is basically my job these days. In fact, I was fired yesterday because of all the time I took looking for ingredients with you.
- Marge: Hi, Lisa. I see you're still on the couch. How you doing?
- Lisa: I'd be doing a lot better if you moved that body I "ruined in childbirth."
- Bart: I ruined it first.
- Bernice Hibbert: And we successfully sued Pabst Blue Ribbon for using our trademark symbol. From now on, they'll be known as Pabst Teal Fabric Bow.
- Marge: Gil? What are you doing here? I thought our blue bag turned your life around.
- Gil: Ah, well, it did, for a bit, but then they demolished the low-income housing I was living in to build that. Now ol' Gil is homeless.
- Marge: You mean unhoused?
- Gil: I'm living in a tent on a sidewalk and people yell at me for it every day. I can call it whatever I want.
- Mr. Burns: Enough of this do-goodery. Open your eyes, rich people. We're not here to help the less fortunate, we're here to bask in our fortunateness. If we really wanted to make a difference, we'd do the one thing we've spent our lives avoiding, paying our taxes. Then one organization, "the government," could tackle all of society's ills, instead of leaving it to 1.5 million separate ego-driven micro-bureaucracies called "charities," including... get a load of this scam... religions. But no one here wants the rational way. We all want the United Way because that's the American way. Now, I paid $10,000 for this table. I'm taking it with me.
