Difference between revisions of "Rome-Old and Juli-Eh/Quotes"

Revision as of 06:47, September 1, 2012

Marge: You redid the basement!

Bart: Whoa... feel the pile on this shag! (he starts rubbing his face on the carpet) Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho, baby!

Marge: Would you look at that paneling! I feel like I'm back in wooden times!

Lisa: Check out this pinball machine! Chevy Chase in "Foul Play".

Bart: Pinball, eh? I've always wanted to try this. (he starts playing the game) Wow, the graphics are amazing. That ball almost seems real!

Accountant: Mr. Simpson, among the expenses the court deems frivolous: you throw over one thousand dollars a month into local wishing wells.

Homer: Of course, you idiot, 'cause I'm wishing for more money.

Accountant: Uh-huh, well, you're going to have to make some serious cutbacks to your expenses. Three subscriptions to "Vanity Fair"?

Homer: I've got three bathrooms, don't I?

Accountant: Five hundred dollars a month to Totalpoker.com?

Marge: Shut up! It's an instructional website! Shut up!

Abraham Simpson: I don't wanna leave! You promised me I could die here!

Homer: No, no. This place is too expensive. I saw you doing a 500-piece jigsaw in there!

Marge: Grampa's driving me crazy!

Homer: Why are you telling me? He's your father-in-law.

Homer: What are you doing here, Patty or Selma?

Marge: I invited Selma here to watch Grampa watch the kids.

Selma: For some reason, she doesn't trust him. Maybe it's the bang-up job he did of raising you.

Homer: He was a great dad! Every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents!

Selma: I know what you're wondering: How come a single woman with so much to offer is alone on a Saturday night?

Grampa: I assumed you were resting up for bingo tomorrow, like me.

Selma: (groans) My numbers don't get called much these days.

Grampa: You're kiddin'. A sweet young thing like you?

Selma: Wow, that's the first time anyone's ever put an adjective before calling me a thing.

(Homer and Marge walk in on Grampa and Selma kissing)

Homer: Aah! A bear is eating my father!

Selma: I'm Selma!

Homer: Aah! A talking bear is eating my father!

Homer: Dad, do you know what you were kissing? Do you? Do you?

Grampa: Yeah, I know who I was kissing, and I also know why. I'm a little shaky on when and where, but I got my theories!

Bart: Now, we just have to figure out what to do with these boxes.

Lisa: As always, I have some ideas.

(she hands him a list)

Bart: Hmm... (laughs) Build a fart! Ha, ha, ha, ha, I love it!

Lisa: Fort. That's "build a fort".

Bart: That might work, too.

Grampa: At my age and with your drawbacks, we can't afford to miss an opportunity. Why don't we just spend time together and see where that takes us?

Selma: Yeah, what the hell. Wanna split a basket of garlic bread?

Grampa: Slow down, ya hussy!

Marge: Aww. Look at Grampa and Selma frolicking in the water.

Homer: It's not right. It's like an old sea turtle dating a suitcase that fell out of a plane.

Marge: Be nice, Homer. Don't you see how great it is that they found each other? Like how the parts of a pig that nobody wants combine to make a yummy hot dog.

Homer: Oh, now you're dragging hot dogs into this. Real classy, Marge. Real classy.

Homer: How could my dad go out with Selma? Don't those two gargoyles know that love is for good-looking young people?

Moe: Uh, gee, Homer, you, uh, ain't exactly open-casket material yourself.

Patty: Look, if you wanna break up your father and Selma, I have a plan. But it involves you.

Homer: Okay, I'm not good at details. Or the big picture. I also show up late, and drunk. (he shakes her hand and whispers loudly) I've got a good feeling about this.

Delivery man: I shall go. But I will return with an army of my brethren. And together we shall take back what is ours and Hell will rain down upon you!

Lisa: What if we're not here?

Delivery man: We will come two more times, and then you'll have to come to our customer center.

Patty: Do you have your disguise?

Homer: Hola, I am Esteban de la Sexface. That means Stephen of the Sexface.

Grampa: Homer! Why would you try to break us up!?

Homer: I guess I always dreamed that my father would grow old alone.

Grampa: Well, nerts to both of ya! Our love is so strong, not even a thousand crazy schemes could tear it apart!

Homer: A thousand, eh?

Selma: Sorry I was at work so late. How'd it go with the baby?

Grampa: We're having a great time. I cleaned up all my best war stories for her. I told her how we chased the teddy bears into their cuddle bunkers, then had to tickle them out with machine-hugs and fun-throwers. They say the more soldiers you tickle, the easier it gets. Well, sir, it doesn't.

Male assistant: The new traffic cones are held up in Harrisburg.

Selma: Go to the costume store. Buy a hundred wizard hats and a bucket of orange paint.

Selma: I guess The Beatles were wrong... love isn't all you need. Abe, I hate to admit it, but maybe this marriage isn't going to work.

Grampa: I guess you're right. Also, I didn't realize you liked The Beatles. That would have caused some problems down the line.