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Treehouse of Horror IV/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
"Treehouse of Horror IV"
- Bart: Paintings. Lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell so scary and horrible and gruesome that --
- Marge: Bart! You should warn people this episode is very frightening and maybe they'd rather listen to that old War of the Worlds broadcast on NPR, Hmmm?
- Bart: Yes, mother.
- Lenny: Sorry Homer. While you were daydreaming, we ate all the donuts.
- Carl: Well, there were a few left but we chucked them at an old man for kicks.
- Homer: Dear Homer, I.O.U. one emergency donut. Signed, Homer. Bastard. He's always one step ahead. Oh, I'd sell my soul for a donut!
- Flanders the Devil: Well, that can be arranged.
- Homer: Flanders! You're the devil?
- Flanders the Devil:It's always the one you least suspect!
- Mr. Burns: Hmm... Who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib.
- Waylon Smithers: Uh, the Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your eleven o'clock.
- Homer: Mmmm... forbidden donut.
- Flanders the Devil: Oh you Americans with your due process and fair trials. This is always so much easier in Mexico.
- Demon technician: So, you like donuts, eh?
- Homer: Uh, huh.
- Demon technician: Well! Have all the donuts in the world!! [cackles]
- Homer: More. Mmmm.
- Demon technician: I don't understand it. James Coco went mad in 15 minutes.
- Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it.
- Skeleton judge: Hear ye, hear ye! The Court of Infernal Affairs is now in session.
- Lionel Hutz: Very well. But first, some ground rules. Number one: We get bathroom breaks every half-hour.
- Flanders the Devil: Agreed. Number two: The jury will be chosen by me.
- Lionel Hutz: Agreed. No, wait...
- Flanders the Devil: I simply ask for what is mine.
- Lionel Hutz: That was a right pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster's defines it as an agreement under the law which is unbreakable. Which is unbreakable. Excuse me, I must use the restroom.
- Blackbeard: Arrr... 'Tis some kind of treasure map.
- Benedict Arnold: You idiot, you can't read.
- Blackbeard: Aye, 'tis true. My debauchery was my way of compensatin'.
- Principal Skinner: Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.
- Bart: Eyahh! Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus!
- Jimbo Jones: Hey, there's no monster!
- Ralph Wiggum: You're deceptive.
- Otto Mann: I don't see anything.
- Milhouse Van Houten: Hey, who's driving the bus?
- Otto: Oh, uno momento, por favor.
- Skinner: Now I've gotten word that a child is using his imagination, and I've come to put a stop to it.
- Bart: No! No, it's true! There's a monster on the bus.
- Skinner: The only monster on this bus is a lack of proper respect for the rules.
- Ned Flanders: Aww, isn't that cute? He's trying to claw my eyes out.
- Bart: Look at the bus! I was right, I tell ya! I was right!
- Skinner: Right or wrong, your behavior was still disruptive, young man. Perhaps spending the remainder of your life in a madhouse will teach you some manners.
- Nelson Muntz: Haw-haw!
- Bart: We come now to the final and most terrifying painting of the evening. To even gaze upon it is to go mad.
- Homer: They're dogs! And they're playing poker! [crazed laughter]
- Bart: We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense. So we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy!
- Chief Wiggum: We think we're dealing with a supernatural being, most likely a mummy. As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield Museum destroyed.
- Marge: Lisa, stop being so suspicious. Did everyone wash their necks like Mr. Burns asked?
- Count Burns: [over intercom] Welcome, come in. Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead.
- Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.
- Count Burns: Oh, son of a bi...
- Homer: Huh, ooooh, punch!
- Lisa: Eww, Dad, this is blood.
- Homer: Correction. Free blood.
- Lisa: Mom, Dad! Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he has Bart!
- Count Burns: Why Bart is right here.
- Bart: Hello, Mother. Hello, Father. I missed you during my uneventful absence.
- Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingee... where our beds and TV... is.
- Grampa: Quick! We have to kill the boy!
- Marge: How'd you know he's a vampire?
- Grampa: He's a vampire?! [screams]
- Marge: Homer, we gotta do something! Today he's drinking people's blood, tomorrow he could be smoking!
- Marge: No, I'm the head vampire! [maniacal laughing]
- Lisa: Mom?
- Marge: Well, I do have a life outside this house, you know.