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Secrets of a Successful Marriage/Quotes

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Season 5 Episode Quotes
102 "Lady Bouvier's Lover"
103
"Secrets of a Successful Marriage"
"Bart of Darkness" 104


Homer: Okay, the first thing they told me to do was to make sure everyone's in the right class.
[Someone in the class spits tobacco at him]
Homer: Down the hall. Room 12.

Moe: Alright, here's the 441, folks; say some gangsta is dissin' your fly girl. You just give 'em one of these. [Moe starts a break (with a rap beat); flips back] Ooh-ae-ah-ooh – [grabs shotgun; blast three times at the roof]

Smithers: Um, I was married once, but, er ... I just didn't know how to keep it together.
[dissolve into black and white flashback ...]
Belle: Hah ... Come on, Waylon ... make love to me the way you used to.
Smithers: [pours liquor] No.
Belle: It's that horrible Mr. Burns, isn't it?
Smithers: YOU LEAVE MR. BURNS OUT OF THIS!!!! *GAHN!! [*smashes liquor with his crutch]
Mr. Burns: Smithers! [a smiling Smithers walks out to the deck to see Burns downstairs] Smitheerrrs!

Bart: Wow, I've never seen Mom so mad at Homer before.
Lisa: I'll tell you a secret, Bart – every time I'm worried about Mom and Dad, I go to the attic and add to my ball of string.
[said ball is huge; Snowball II touches the string –]
Snowball: Raow! [ball crushes her with a crack]

Lisa: [visiting Homer in the treehouse] Here, Dad. I brought you some nice ... aah!
[Homer has made a model of Marge; a tall plant to match her hairstyle, with a paper plate face stuck to it]
Homer: Good news, Lisa. I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement that's superior to her in almost every way!
Lisa: Dad, that's just a plant.
Homer: Lisa! You will respect your new mother. Now, give her a kiss! KIIIIISS HER!
[Homer thrusts the plant in Lisa's face and accidentally drops it out of the treehouse, where it breaks on the ground below]
Homer: Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God! Okay, let's get our story set. She tripped, right?
Season 5 Quotes
Homer's Barbershop Quartet Cape Feare Homer Goes to College Rosebud Treehouse of Horror IV Marge on the Lam Bart's Inner Child Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood The Last Temptation of Homer $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) Homer the Vigilante Bart Gets Famous Homer and Apu Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy Deep Space Homer Homer Loves Flanders Bart Gets an Elephant Burns' Heir Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song The Boy Who Knew Too Much Lady Bouvier's Lover Secrets of a Successful Marriage