Secrets of a Successful Marriage/Quotes
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"Secrets of a Successful Marriage"
- Homer: Okay, the first thing they told me to do was to make sure everyone's in the right class.
- [Someone in the class spits tobacco at him]
- Homer: Down the hall. Room 12.
- Moe: Alright, here's the 441, folks; say some gangsta is dissin' your fly girl. You just give 'em one of these. [Moe starts a break (with a rap beat); flips back] Ooh-ae-ah-ooh – [grabs shotgun; blast three times at the roof]
- Smithers: Um, I was married once, but, er ... I just didn't know how to keep it together.
- [dissolve into black and white flashback ...]
- Belle: Hah ... Come on, Waylon ... make love to me the way you used to.
- Smithers: [pours liquor] No.
- Belle: It's that horrible Mr. Burns, isn't it?
- Smithers: YOU LEAVE MR. BURNS OUT OF THIS!!!! *GAHN!! [*smashes liquor with his crutch]
- Mr. Burns: Smithers! [a smiling Smithers walks out to the deck to see Burns downstairs] Smitheerrrs!
- Bart: Wow, I've never seen Mom so mad at Homer before.
- Lisa: I'll tell you a secret, Bart – every time I'm worried about Mom and Dad, I go to the attic and add to my ball of string.
- [said ball is huge; Snowball II touches the string –]
- Snowball: Raow! [ball crushes her with a crack]
- Lisa: [visiting Homer in the treehouse] Here, Dad. I brought you some nice ... aah!
- [Homer has made a model of Marge; a tall plant to match her hairstyle, with a paper plate face stuck to it]
- Homer: Good news, Lisa. I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement that's superior to her in almost every way!
- Lisa: Dad, that's just a plant.
- Homer: Lisa! You will respect your new mother. Now, give her a kiss! KIIIIISS HER!
- [Homer thrusts the plant in Lisa's face and accidentally drops it out of the treehouse, where it breaks on the ground below]
- Homer: Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God! Okay, let's get our story set. She tripped, right?