Homer Loves Flanders/Quotes

Quotes

Season 5 Episode Quotes

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096

"Deep Space Homer"

097
"Homer Loves Flanders"

"Bart Gets an Elephant"

098

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Lisa: Dad and Ned Flanders friends? Hah! What's next? A's on Bart's report card?

[She, Marge and Bart laugh together]

Bart: [stops laughing] Hey!

Marge: Homey, I'm very proud of you, but don't you think you're spending too much time with Ned? Your family needs you too.

Homer: Oh, of course you'd say something like that, Marge. You've hated Ned for years! In fact, you wanted to bash his head in with a pipe.

Marge: That was you!

Homer: Love, Marge. Don't hate... love.

Marge: Honey, I'm so glad you're ho--

Homer: Can't talk, seeing Flanders. Later, sex.

Homer: Ned, since you've let me spend time with your family, I want you to get to know my family. [they go to Moe's) Hey, everyone.

Barney: Hey.

Homer: I'd like to introduce Ned Flanders, my best friend.

Moe: Hey, I don't want no one in here with their "evils of alcohol" rap.

Ned: Wait a second: you're the man at the hospital who reads to sick children.

Moe: [grabs Ned] If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt.

[Homer throws a picture into the garbage]

Marge: Homer, that's our wedding photo!

Homer: Marge, quit living in the past.

Homer: If anyone can pull it off, it's Stan "The Boy" Taylor.

Crowd: Stan, Stan, he's our boy, If he can't do it, no one... will.

Homer: Well, I guess I should pay my share.

Ned: Relax, Homer. I keep telling you, you're my guest.

Homer: Ooh, you brought me a nacho hat! Thanks, Ned (singing) Nacho, nacho man, I want to be a nacho man...

Mr. Burns: Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him myself to inspire you.

Milhouse: [to his mom and dad] I hope they win, or Mr. Burns said he's coming back.

Marty: Oh, we have a winner! What's your name, sir?

Ned: Ned Flanders!

Homer: Oh, not Flanders, anybody but Flanders...

Ned: Well, golly, if that doesn't put the "shaz" in "shazam." Oh, listen: what's the cash value of those tickets so I can report it on my income tax?

Football Fan: Give me, er, 30,000 tickets.

Ticket Lady: That'll be $950,000 please.

Football Fan: Look, the thing about that is, I only got $10 on me. Can I pay you the rest later?

Ticket Lady: Sure.

Bart: Hey Dad, sell you these for fifty bucks...

Homer: Woo hoo! Sold. [Bart takes the money and runs off]

Marge: Those aren't tickets to the game, Homer.

Homer: What do you mean? It says right here: "Free wig with every purchase of large wig. Downtown Wig Center". Why you little.

Homer: [receives a football] Wow! Thanks. Now I have four children You will be called "stitch face."

Kent Brockman: Just miles from your doorstep, hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill. The government calls it the Army, but a more alarmist name would be... The Killbot Factory.

Grampa: Let's sacrifice him to our god! Come on, we did it all the time in the thirties.

Homer: I'd like to propose a toast to the coming together of the Simpsons and the Flanders. If this were a more perfect world, we'd all be known as the Flimpsons.

Lisa: Don't worry, Bart. It seems like every week something odd happens to the Simpsons. My advice is to ride it out, make the occasional smart-alec quip, and by next week we'll be back to where we started from, ready for another wacky adventure.

Bart: Ay, caramba!

Lisa: That's the spirit.

Homer: They don't call me "Springfield Fats" just because I'm morbidly obese!

Ned: Oh, I guess it's time for me to duck again.

Homer: No! I want everyone to know that-- (yelling out window) --this is Ned Flanders, my friend!

Lenny: What'd he say?

Carl: I dunno. Something about being gay.

Lisa: What's so special about this game anyway? It's just another chapter in the pointless rivalry between Springfield and Shelbyville. They built a mini-mall, so we built a bigger mini-mall. They made the world's largest pizza, so we burnt down their city hall.

Homer: Heh, heh, heh. Yeah, they swore they'd get us back by spiking our water supply. But they didn't have the guts.

Marge: (drinks the tap water) Ooooh. The walls are melting again.

Homer: Why am I such a loser? Why?

Bart: Well, your father was a loser, and his father, and his father... it's genetic, man. (thinks for a second) D'oh!

Homer: (chuckling) I did it! Second in line, and all I had to do was miss eight days of work.

Man: With the money you would have made working, you could have bought tickets from a scalper.

Homer: In theory, yes.... Jerk.

Lenny: Hey, look! Homer's got one of those robot cars.

[Crash.]

Carl: One of those American robot cars.

Ned: Homer, I'd love to chitty-chat, but tonight's the night I do my charity work.

Homer: Oh yeah. The judge made me do that once too. Stupid lack of public urinals.

Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever... Football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning.

TV Voiceover: Warning, tickets should not be taken internally.

Homer: See, because of me, now they have a warning.

Homer: Marge, I think I hate Ted Koppel. No, wait. I find him informative and witty.

Bart: It's okay. There's no sugar in Pixie sticks.

Marge: Homer! Are you planning to hit Ned Flanders with that pipe and steal his tickets?

Homer: Ye...no.

Ned: [answers door] Huh? [Homer gets ready to hit him, but changes his mind]

Homer: Oh. Flanders, I decided I'd like to go to the game with you.

Ned: Well, get out the Crayolas and color me "Tickled Pink". Ooh, what's with the lead pipe, were you going to give my noggin a flogging?

Homer: Well, yeah.

[They both laugh.]

Homer: Why do you mock me, O Lord?

Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there. [she scrapes it down with a broom]

Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but-- [eats waffle]—Mmm... sacrilicious.

Maude: Come on, Ned! Move this thing!

Ned: I can't! It's a Geo!

← Season 4 Season 5 Quotes Season 6 →
Homer's Barbershop Quartet • Cape Feare • Homer Goes to College • Rosebud • Treehouse of Horror IV • Marge on the Lam • Bart's Inner Child • Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood • The Last Temptation of Homer • $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) • Homer the Vigilante • Bart Gets Famous • Homer and Apu • Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy • Deep Space Homer • Homer Loves Flanders • Bart Gets an Elephant • Burns' Heir • Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song • The Boy Who Knew Too Much • Lady Bouvier's Lover • Secrets of a Successful Marriage