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Burns' Heir/Quotes

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki

Season 5 Episode Quotes
098 "Bart Gets an Elephant"
"Burns' Heir"
"Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song" 100

Nelson: Give me your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!
Mr. Burns: Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.
[Martin walks onstage performing in a conductor's uniform.]
Martin: [singing] Clang, clang, clang went the trolley. Ring, ring, ring went the bell. Zing, zing, sing went my heartstrings... [Nelson punches Martin in the stomach]
Mr. Burns: Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.

[A deprogrammer has just finished forcing Bart into forgetting Mr. Burns and coming back to the Simpson family]
Deprogrammer: Well, it was a gruelling two weeks, but you have your son back."
[Hans Moleman walks out]
Hans Moleman: Mom, Dad, I missed you.
[Sighing with relief Homer kisses Hans Moleman on the head.]
Marge: Homer, that's Hans Moleman.
Homer: Can I keep him anyway, huh, huh?

[Mr. Burns attempts to prove the Simpson family does not love him, and shows him a scripted version of a false Simpsons residence.]
Homer Actor: [voice unlike Homer's] I do not miss Bart at all.
Marge Actress: I am glad he's gone.
Lisa Actor: As am I. [Homer drops his sandwich]
Homer Actor: "B'oh!"
Bart: It's probably my imagination but, something about them doesn't seem quite right.
Mr. Burns: Really? Excuse me for just a moment.
[Mr. Burns walks into a film set where the Simpsons actors takes place.]
Mr. Burns: People, that was all wrong! Homer Simpson doesn't say "B'oh!", he says... [goes through script] "D'oh!" [Homer and Marge take their masks off]
Homer Actor: Sorry, M.B., but I'm having trouble with this character. Is he supposed to have some kind of a neurological impairment, like Rain Man or Awakenings? I mean, what the hell am I doing here?!
Marge Actress: And this dialog has none of the wit and sparkle of Murphy Brown. [the Lisa actor takes off his mask]
Lisa Actor: Hey, you know we're getting into golden time.
Mr. Burns: Yes. Well, just get it right, or you'll all be back doing Come Blow Your Horn at the Westport Dinner Theatre.

[Bart and Lisa are dejected after failing at their auditions to become Mr. Burns' heir]
Marge: [to Homer] "I think Bart and Lisa are feeling a little upset right now. Isn't there something you'd like to say?"
Homer: "There sure is. Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, "Never Try."

Lionel Hutz: As for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state, often as a lawyer.
Season 5 Quotes
Homer's Barbershop Quartet Cape Feare Homer Goes to College Rosebud Treehouse of Horror IV Marge on the Lam Bart's Inner Child Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood The Last Temptation of Homer $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) Homer the Vigilante Bart Gets Famous Homer and Apu Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy Deep Space Homer Homer Loves Flanders Bart Gets an Elephant Burns' Heir Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song The Boy Who Knew Too Much Lady Bouvier's Lover Secrets of a Successful Marriage